"So plant your own gardens and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers" - Jorge Luis Borges.
I confronted myself today. I said some things I've been meaning to say for a long time. I made some overdue confessions. I told my heart to hold on. This won't all be fixed today, or maybe even next week, but it will be soon.
It is both a blessing and a curse to love and feel so deeply. I don't know any other way to love than to love with my entire heart. I love others the way I want to be loved, but too often I learn I invest my love in the wrong relationships. Our self-worth takes major blows when we feel ignored, misunderstood, or excluded. We think we are worthy if the love we feel for someone else is reciprocated.
I realized I was in trouble when my love for myself walked out the door with my partner.
Today, I vowed that I would stop placing my self-worth in the hands of others. I deserve the love I give in return. And I will not apologize for loving too much.
Our relationships are not correlated to how magnificent and beautiful we are; yet, we connect our self-worth and happiness to our relationship status. That's far too much power to give to someone, especially because it fills a space with anyone who distracts us from learning how to cultivate a love for ourselves. We end up choosing people because we think we need them, rather than choosing someone who will add value to our already rich lives.
Validation, fulfillment, pleasure, security, and love all come from within.
When someone tells you "I love you," you subsequently swell with pride and the joyous feeling that you must be worthy after all. This feeling of worth is an illusion; their statement doesn't hold any intrinsic reality because when someone tells you they love you, they are telling you about themselves, not you. Similarly, when someone tells you they do not reciprocate your feelings, they are telling you about themselves. Yet it is so difficult not to internalize this as a reflection of our worth. It doesn't make you unlovable or invisible. We cannot place our self-worth in the hands of others because we are not a reflection of those who cannot love us.
You determine your self-worth.
How do we learn this? Say "no" to mediocrity and walk away from the table when love is no longer being served, wake up every morning and choose to be happy despite your circumstances, and cherish solitude. We must romance ourselves and understand that our company is a privilege to those we choose to share it with.
It's about falling in love with yourself and finding someone who will appreciate you rather than compensating for a self-worth deficit. You are worthy of extraordinary love and you should never have to rely on someone to prove that to you, or inspire someone to treat you the way you deserve.
Repeat after me: I am not a reflection of those who cannot love me.
