The Inevitable Summer Depression

The Inevitable Summer Depression

The sunniest season of the year becomes one of the darkest.
2
views

For most people, summer is the season for friends and spending time out in the sun. But for me, it's full of a whole lot of... nothing. At the beginning of the summer break, I am optimistic. I take my antidepressant nearly every day and try to find something productive to do, whether it'd be painting, drawing, cleaning my room, or writing my Odyssey article. As the weeks go by, this slowly changes. I stay in bed for hours after I wake up. I forget to take my medication. And at the end of the day, I often find myself doing nothing but watching Netflix all day.

I don't know when my depression will get better, and I don't know how bad it'll get. Sometimes in my friends' group chat, I'll start typing out a message but figure that I would annoy them, so I'll erase my message and not say anything. I feel like if I spent too much time with someone, or text or message them a lot, they'll get tired of me and leave. Sometimes, I even feel like they're just pretending that they like me. Through years of therapy, I learned that this is probably wrong. So I keep telling myself 'You are loved' 'You are not a waste of space' 'You are wanted' over and over and over again. But for some reason, I can't get rid of the thoughts telling me the opposite.

What most people don't understand about depression is that you don't really feel sad, but just numb. The days blur together and I don't remember much. It's like having your camera pulled up on your phone but didn't hit the record button. I feel like that's what a lot of people don't understand about depression. A lot of the time, you aren't feeling sad or angry. You feel nothing. You don't feel like your friends and family love you.

Often times when my depression hits, my good old friend anxiety comes around also. Like if I hear bad news, or if I see something triggering, I feel my stomach drop and I'm nauseous. There isn't enough air. I feel heavy and lightweight at the same time. My heart and head race at a million miles per hour. And I can't breathe.

Of course, I experience these sudden drops of depression the rest of the year, too. But when I'm at school, I have so many resources to help me through the days. I have a therapist I talk to that my school provides. I have a doctor that checks up on me to make sure my prescription is doing its job. I have a roommate who is caring and supportive and have stayed up with me for hours into the night listening to me complain. I have a daily routine, which helps me get through the days. The school schedules fun activities throughout the school year, encouraging me to get out of my dorm. But during summer and Christmas break, all of this goes away. And I'm terrified that in 2 years when I graduate, what will happen?

I often feel very frustrated with myself, and I feel that others are, too. I feel frustrated that when my illnesses get bad again, I feel like my friends are purposefully leaving me out. I feel frustrated that they feel like have to be careful what they say around me because I might snap. I'm frustrated that I often jump to conclusions. I'm frustrated that I am so forgetful. I'm frustrated that I have no motivation. I'm frustrated that my ghosts won't leave me alone. I can't seem to let go of the past. I can't officially get rid of my illnesses. It might go away for a month or two, but it always comes back. I'm frustrated that it is all just one big cycle.

Long story short, I can't wait for school to start again.

Cover Image Credit: Bustle

Popular Right Now

8 Reasons Why My Dad Is the Most Important Man In My Life

Forever my number one guy.
71616
views

Growing up, there's been one consistent man I can always count on, my father. In any aspect of my life, my dad has always been there, showing me unconditional love and respect every day. No matter what, I know that my dad will always be the most important man in my life for many reasons.

1. He has always been there.

Literally. From the day I was born until today, I have never not been able to count on my dad to be there for me, uplift me and be the best dad he can be.

2. He learned to adapt and suffer through girly trends to make me happy.

I'm sure when my dad was younger and pictured his future, he didn't think about the Barbie pretend pageants, dressing up as a princess, perfecting my pigtails and enduring other countless girly events. My dad never turned me down when I wanted to play a game, no matter what and was always willing to help me pick out cute outfits and do my hair before preschool.

3. He sends the cutest texts.

Random text messages since I have gotten my own cell phone have always come my way from my dad. Those randoms "I love you so much" and "I am so proud of you" never fail to make me smile, and I can always count on my dad for an adorable text message when I'm feeling down.

4. He taught me how to be brave.

When I needed to learn how to swim, he threw me in the pool. When I needed to learn how to ride a bike, he went alongside me and made sure I didn't fall too badly. When I needed to learn how to drive, he was there next to me, making sure I didn't crash.

5. He encourages me to best the best I can be.

My dad sees the best in me, no matter how much I fail. He's always there to support me and turn my failures into successes. He can sit on the phone with me for hours, talking future career stuff and listening to me lay out my future plans and goals. He wants the absolute best for me, and no is never an option, he is always willing to do whatever it takes to get me where I need to be.

6. He gets sentimental way too often, but it's cute.

Whether you're sitting down at the kitchen table, reminiscing about your childhood, or that one song comes on that your dad insists you will dance to together on your wedding day, your dad's emotions often come out in the cutest possible way, forever reminding you how loved you are.


7. He supports you, emotionally and financially.

Need to vent about a guy in your life that isn't treating you well? My dad is there. Need some extra cash to help fund spring break? He's there for that, too.

8. He shows me how I should be treated.

Yes, my dad treats me like a princess, and I don't expect every guy I meet to wait on me hand and foot, but I do expect respect, and that's exactly what my dad showed I deserve. From the way he loves, admires, and respects me, he shows me that there are guys out there who will one day come along and treat me like that. My dad always advises me to not put up with less than I deserve and assures me that the right guy will come along one day.

For these reasons and more, my dad will forever be my No. 1 man. I love you!

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Poetry On Odyssey: Depression Isn't Taken Seriously Until You Commit Suicide

According to society, until you commit suicide, your feelings aren't valid.

434
views

"You're only seeking attention." Until you commit suicide.

"You just want everybody to feel sorry for you." Until you commit suicide.

"You're not actually stressed out." Until you commit suicide.

"You don't actually feel that way." Until you commit suicide.

"What do you even have in your life to be depressed about?" Until you commit suicide.

"You're just not trying hard enough to be happy." Until you commit suicide.

"You just like to complain about your problems." Until you commit suicide.

"Depression isn't real." Until you commit suicide.

"Your life can't be that hard." Until you commit suicide.

"You have too many good things in your life to feel that way." Until you commit suicide.

"You're just trying to be negative." Until you commit suicide.

"You're just psycho." Until you commit suicide.

"You don't know what struggling really feels like." Until you commit suicide.

"The world doesn't revolve around you." Until you commit suicide.

"It's not like it's the end of the world." Until you commit suicide.

"You're not actually sad." Until you commit suicide.


No one takes your depression seriously, until...you commit suicide.


If this article hits home, it's okay to speak up. Seek help if you need it, you are not alone.

National Suicide Prevention Line: 1-800-273-8255

Related Content

Facebook Comments