I've always been open about my mental health in my writing, and this week is no exception. Often, when I'm feeling down I try to find a reason, a source of the problem. But truth be told, there isn't always a source. Mental health is complex and doesn't always offer solid answers.
About a week ago, I was feeling really down. Upon reflection, I'd had a good day, a good weekend in fact, so why was I feeling down? I took a "self-care" day spent by myself watching Netflix. The lack of people surrounding me helped me clear my head, but it also made me confront the fact that I didn't feel good. This wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but an uncomfortable thing.
What made me feel worse was that I had no particular reason to feel sad. I felt like I was wasting my good times by being upset over quite literally nothing. But do I really need a reason to allow myself to feel sad?
The short answer is no; I don't need a reason. Mental health, especially for those with mental illness, is more complex than meets the eye. It doesn't require a "trigger" of sorts to rear its ugly head. And that's something I need to accept. I had to allow myself to fully feel upset in order to feel better. Without rhyme or reason, self-care is hard. Mental health is hard. And that's OK.