As I write this, I am patiently waiting for the Copa America Final match. Argentina once again meets their mastermind Chile in what most would call “The Greatest Rematch,” except this time, Argentina is highly favored to win. Commercials of the NYCFC vs Red Bulls Derby are playing across the screen along with Messi’s crazy goal against the United States, which is one of the greatest goals in the history of soccer. Part of me is wishing I bought tickets to this final game since it just happens to be in New Jersey (more reasons to say why NJ is a great state), but at the same time, I am glad I had the Copa Experience earlier in Philadelphia when the U.S. defeat Paraguay in a stressful battle.

But let’s be honest, did you even know this tournament is going on?

Soccer (or football, or calcio, or futebol, or whatever you other soccer fans call it) is said to be the most popular sport in the world. However, if you grew up in the United States, it’s hard to feel like that fact is true.

Our country talks about fat shaming, gay shaming, slut shaming, emotion shaming, breast feeding shaming, and so much more types of “shaming”, each of which are worthy of conversation. Nevertheless, sports have the same problem in the United States.

The biggest example being “Soccer Shaming.”

Soccer, as a sport, is often demeaned in the United States. Complaints range from: low scoring, off sides calls, the faking/diving, the weird counting time, not enough contact (I’m sorry…. What?), the shittiness of the MLS, blah blah blah blah blah…

I don’t get it. If you don’t like soccer, OK I respect that. I don’t really like American football, lacrosse, and baseball… but do you see me shaming it? No, not really.

First off, Americans are spoiled. If something is not instantly gratify-able, it automatically sucks, right? So when you bring in a low-scoring game onto the pitch, Americans think it’s boring. A goal is like getting three puppies for Christmas. It’s like we bundle up all this energy, and once a goal is scored for our team, all that energy erupts and so much excitement comes out and it’s a feeling you can only experience, especially in a stadium setting. Metaphorically, I guess it’s the same feeling as a touchdown x5 at the Super bowl. What other game has that? Maybe curling…

Besides, don’t people get tired of seeing the same three-point shots over and over again? That I do not understand. Same with the dunking.

Regarding off-sides… I don’t know why this is a problem…? A LOT of sports have off-sides calls, such as American football, lacrosse, basketball (three-second rule), and more. Someone has mentioned that once soccer got exciting and looked like a goal was coming, BUT the player was off sides. That, my friend, is how I feel when a basketball player shoots, and they’re called for three seconds. Same when a ball goes out of bounds in tennis when it clearly looked like it was in bounds. There’s always going to be that one rule that hinders the ability to score in every game. In soccer, the reason why offsides happens more often is probably due to the enormity of the pitch, so it’s hard to know your surroundings when they’re a million feet away.

The diving is a problem and I will condone that. A lot of players deserve an Oscar for their ability to fake a foul. However, the American soccer players do not nearly dive as much as the Europeans and the South Americans, simply because we are smart and don’t have time to faking an injury. So, when haters of the U.S. Soccer team complain about the diving, it makes no sense to me because we really don’t do that… (unless you’re Bobby wood… OK, OK).

[SIDE RANT: it you say that diving and faking fouls wastes time, I think the time in between each play in an American football game is a waste of time. I could be baking a key lime pie in the time that is wasted in football.]

I don’t know where the no contact in soccer complaint came from… from personal experience, I’ve experience hair pulling, jersey ripping, leg scratching, and at one point, I accidentally gave a girl a concussion (promise it was a complete accident). So, not gonna lie, saying soccer has no contact is bullshit. I apologize if there’s no helmet hitting action that gives players an even higher risk for concussions and future brain related injuries.

So, as a quick conclusion, if Americans aren’t the best at something, they’re not going to care, which is an absolute shame. It is our cockiness and ignorance that makes our people a laughing stock and a joke in the whole world; it’s because of our own ignorance that people shame the MLS. It is because of our exclusiveness that we bash and make fun of sports that aren’t “American.”

Let’s be honest. Soccer combines agility, endurance, strength, and power better than any other sport. In addition, it is not uncommon for a soccer player to run up to 7 miles a GAME, compare that to basketball (3 miles), lacrosse (3-5), American football (1.25), and baseball (.045… lol).

You don’t have to like soccer. Just stop acting cool and saying that you hate it because these athletes are better athletes than what you’ll ever become…

End rant.

Disagree? Why do you hate soccer? Comment below and I’ll try to respond. I wish I could write more, but I’m too busy watching this amazing game!