I’m the keeper of our memories and sometimes I feel like they’re weighing me down. I look at you and I remember everything. I remember the way you used to look at me and how we’d share knowing smiles across a room. I remember how you’d touch my arm as we talked and lean in to whisper in my ear. I remember the way we used to talk and laugh like good friends, because that’s what we were before becoming more. I remember telling you secrets I had never shared with anyone else. I remember the feeling of your arms around me and how I never wanted you to let go.

You’ve let me go, but I still find myself clinging to what was. I tether myself to false hope as if it’s a lifeline. I wrap myself in memories and pretend they’re your arms, keeping me safe. I cloud my head with our past to try and blind myself from the present.

I carry all of our memories with me wherever I go. These moments I’ve always looked back on fondly now feel like a heavy burden I haven’t yet grown accustomed to. They are chains locked on my wrists and you’ve thrown away the key.

I have to learn to look at you like any other person. I have to learn to conceal what’s inside behind a smile. I have to find the strength to bear the weight of our past because I can’t toss it aside the way you seemed to.

Loving you will be a constant. No matter how upset I’ve been with you, no matter how much you’ve hurt me, I’ve loved you. And I’ll continue to do so even if we pass each other like strangers.

Even if I learn to look at you and show nothing, I will always feel something. You were always able to read me better than most, so maybe you’ll see through the façade once again.

Regardless of where we end up, know that our memories are stowed away in my heart. And one day I hope to look back on them, not with streams of tears, but with a smile used to greet an old friend.