I feel an ache settle deep within my body
and I know what’s coming,
I know the signs:
It’s the acrid and pungent taste in the back of my throat.
The shadowy tendrils wrapping around my heart,
Constricting slowly as time goes on.
An oily film that envelopes both
my brain and my lungs,
And the hard-to-swallow lump that carves out and makes a home
Underneath my ribs
Like a caged bird.
It’s the static that follows after it robs me of my senses
And leaves fear and paranoia in its place.
It’s my blood roaring and my pulse spiking
As if I had just ran a mile,
And the full body chills and shakes
That leave me scrambling
For purchase and stability.
It’s the dull throb of a headache and exhaustion
That settles deep within my bones,
And the feeling of reality
Slamming into me full force,
Leaving me cold with the realization:
That this is a never-ending cycle,
And I can’t break it.
This cycle which calls itself
I feel an ache that lays claim within my body.
And it starts anew.
