That's right: I am not sorry for not having a significant other.
Every family function I've been to or family member I've come across over the past few years have all asked the same questions and had the same "concerns." "When are you going to settle down?" "I heard that so and so got married recently-- weren't you two friends?" or "What happened to your last boyfriend, Mr. so and so?"
When I was a few years younger just starting college, I thought I would experience what most other men and women went through to find their true love and have a happily ever after (plus all of the student loans). Society begins to persuade women at early ages into thinking that we need a man to complete our life-- we must wait on them hand and foot to repay them for the stability they give us, and for "filling" that empty void in our hearts that we have had for so long. Since the age of sixteen I've constantly had a boyfriend because it was what any girl wanted in high school. They would bring you food before games, hold your hand in the back seat of mom and dad's car on the way home from a family function, and would even let you drive their truck if you were special enough.
It was all fun and games until I became single for a longer amount of time than usual and didn't know how to provide my own happiness and my own self stability. I had hobbies that I enjoyed doing such as kicking the ball around or taking a nice long hike, but I was always more interested in my boyfriend's hobbies because it made him happy and that was my ultimate concern. I began to feel the pressure when I reached my junior year of college because all of my childhood and high school friends were beginning to settle down and began having babies. I started choosing men who weren't right for me hoping that they would be the person I could spend my life with when really they were just another let down. People settle to achieve the life they want, right? Wrong. After unsuccessful relationships and nights of learning that I loved bourbon just about as much as I love soccer, I came to the conclusion that it is okay to be single. Being alone for a year has been one of the worst and best times for my journey to self-acceptance and self-appreciation. A very dear friend of mine told me that I put my self-worth and value into my significant other instead of already knowing that I am valued and a prized possession because I didn't know my own self-worth.
It was harsh, but she was right. I relied too much on them to define who I was instead of taking the time to figure out what really made me,me. I needed them more than I needed myself. I needed their happiness more than I needed my own and in the end when all I had left to lean on was me, I couldn't rely on my strength to get me through the difficult times. Only a week ago I made the promise to myself that I would learn to fulfill my needs and my wants to make my mind and body happy before I entered the dating scene again. Da Vinci didn't paint Mona Lisa in a day, and Julia Roberts had to travel through three different countries to discover who she really was. It is going to take some time-- patience is a virtue that I am slowly acquiring. But if this is the greatest thing I will ever do for myself, it will be a change that will keep me full and happy for the rest of my days. So yes, I am not sorry for being single. I refuse to settle for someone who cannot love me as much as I will love myself. One day the right one will come along, and he will appreciate the struggle I went through to get me where I am today.
