Starting out, and never having been diagnosed with depression, I had thought depression wasn't meant to be managed by "throwing drugs at it" or "pumping someone with meds". I had no idea what the illness entailed until I experienced it myself, and realized how big the stigma is with taking anti-depressants. As of two weeks ago I was diagnosed with moderate depression and was prescribed my first round of Citalopram that actually has been doing some good for me so far. After having been uprooted from my dream college after my first year, joining the military then washing out, and getting back into school has been a huge struggle so I wasn't entirely surprised with my diagnosis.

I always had this heaviness in my chest; feeling so tired, hopeless, worthless, demotivated, lonely, sad and frustrated, inconsistent appetite, couldn't concentrate or remember anything to save my life. I just felt like . I was desperate to break free of these things, I was willing to try anything.

The stigma associated with depression, as well as other mental illness, is not only staggering but it's really sad because there are SO many people with this illness. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 15.7 MILLION people in America experienced a major depressive episode. Anything that impedes the ability for a person to complete activities of daily living like eating, sleeping, working, etc. So clearly, you're definitely not alone even though you may feel like it.

I'm also not here to romanticize or glamorize depression or other associated mental illnesses because they all suck. Not going to lie to you all, but they do. I had an amazing support system, primarily my mom since she gets me like no one else does. She actually encouraged me to get screened for ADD, but I ended up with being screened for ADD, anxiety, and depression. If it wasn't for her, I'd still be a sad little hot mess. (Thank you, Mama <3 I love you!)

What I'm saying here is that you don't need to be desperate to get on an anti-depressant by any means, you just need to want to seek help for yourself. You need to want to be happy and have an open mind, that's all you need. There was no way I could live with what I was feeling and I needed it to change. To everyone reading this experiencing some of the classic signs, I really encourage you to find someone who gets you and will encourage you to go in to get screened and explore your options for managing it. If you're not going to be able to get yourself to go in to get it done, don't do it alone. It will honestly change your life, it did mine already.

For friends, family, and significant others supporting your loved one that's struggling; please don't give up on them. Encourage them and empower them to get out there, and reach out to and embrace the opportunity of being happy again. It ain't going to be all puppies, rainbows, and unicorns, but sometimes we need a little push.

If all else fails, get on a hotline. You're never alone!