“’When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like astronaut, president, or in my case… princess.

When we were ten, they asked again and we answered - rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist. But now that we've grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how 'bout this: who the hell knows?!’” (Jessica, Twilight)

Never in my life would I have thought I’d be starting out one of my articles with a quote from Twilight, yet here we are. The even more astounding part is that that blurb form Jessica’s senior speech is one of the most relatable things I’ve ever read.

Growing up people expect for you to have no true understanding of who you are, where you’re going or what you want out of life, but by the time you’re in college society seems to think that a few general education courses gives you all the answers to all of life’s biggest questions. News flash: society’s wrong.

At the beginning of this semester I thought I had it all figured out, I knew my major, I knew what I wanted to do for a living, and I knew where life was leading me. Or so I thought. All it took was going to one panel, taking one course on thriving and becoming a part of my university newspaper to confuse me back into the spiral of a mess I’d come to know all too well during my freshman year.

Am I crazy for feeling this way? No! I’m 20 years old for crying out loud I can barely take care of myself on my own, how can someone possibly expect me to be able to have a 10 year plan already mapped out? That’s why I don’t understand why colleges expect you to declare a major by the end of your sophomore year. Yes, I get it that there are certain requirements that you need to have taken by the time you graduate, and for some people they do definitively know what they intend to do for the next 30 to 40 years of their lives, but I can barely think past tonight.

Currently, my major is psychology with a minor in exercise and sports science, and trust me it took a while for me to figure out that that’s what I wanted to spend the rest of my time in school studying. Major props to academic advising for dealing with me time and time again. Maybe that’s why it’s so utterly frustrating that I’m the type of person who is interested in just about everything and can’t decide what they want. Or maybe I’m just trying to be a 20 year old and try to make the most out of life during the only time in my life that I have very few responsibilities and a plethora of opportunities to explore at my doorstep. Either way I’m tired of people expecting me to have it all figured out at this very instant.

So there it is, I’m 20 and my life is a hot freaking mess. But the real truth is, I’m not even mad about it. I’m not mad about it because if I had my entire life planned out at the age of 20 I wouldn’t be me. Yes, I do like plans and I get frustrated when things get changed last minute, but I also loath being boxed in to things and not being able express all of my interests. What that means for me is that while I have a major in a field I am passionate about and interested in that doesn’t mean that I have it all figured out. If you asked me right now what I want to be when I grow up I’ll say a sports psychologist, and that’s a true statement. The thing about me, though, is that I also want to be a photographer and a writer. I may not have all the answers right now but that’s ok. All I really have to know is that I have time to figure it all out. Also, at the end of the day it’s ok to want to be multiple things right now because when the time comes I can find ways to implement all of my different interests into my life whether it is an actual paying job or for the fun of it.

So right now if you ask what I want out of life I’m going to tell you that I just want to be able to embrace everything that the next two years of my life and figure out who I am and what God has planned for me along the way. It takes time but as the saying goes, you gotta trust the process, and that’s exactly what I plan to do.

There you have it folks. I’m your average 20 year old college student whose life is a ball of confusion, stress, and school work and I couldn’t be happier about it.