September 10th marks national suicide prevention day. This is only a small time that shines a light on a bigger issue. The month of May is considered mental awareness month. I am glad we have something to commemorate for all of us who fight and fought and continue to do so. But one day of bringing awareness to the issue of mental illness is not enough. The movement is growing. The way I learned about the movement was by the non-profit: To Write Love on Her Arms.
The worst is the stigma that takes place. It is so strong still that we still feel alone. I know I do. And then you look around, and there is a community behind you, agreeing with you and feeling the same things you are, and you don’t feel so alone anymore. In fact, you feel empowered. This year, 2016, motto is #IKeptLiving, and it has spoken to me on so many aspects. You read stories and are able to connect and say I am not alone.
I am ready to speak out. Finally I am ready to speak out. I think the worst is, that the stigma was embedded in me. I was scared. I was scared to ask for help. I felt like the odd one out, until I realized I wasn’t. I have been clinically diagnosed for almost 3 years in January, but I have suffered my whole life. But I consider myself a survivor. I have been diagnosed with panic/ anxiety disorder, and depression. The worst is, for the longest time I let those words define me. I let them eat me up alive. Yes, I am all of those things. And I am not afraid of it anymore. Just because I am those does not mean they will define me, or take away my life. I am stronger. I believe everyone is given battles and even though sometimes it feels like everything is crumbling underneath me, I was given these battles because I am capable enough and strong enough to fight them. That is what has kept me going.
People ask how and why? The truth? I don't know, but it has made me grow. Anxiety, depression, these are all words. They are considered negative connotations. But why? Why do we have to look at them so negatively. Why can't we look at the words courageously. Congratulations to all of you out there struggling with your own mental illness. You deserve an award and a round of applause. Because nobody else will ever know the struggle of just getting out of bed in the morning. You deserve an award for that alone! Nobody knows what it is like to have so many thoughts at night, or randomly during the day and to not know why. Nobody else knows what its like to be stuck in the dark, and not being able to find the light. But you chose to live. And you are a survivor. And for that, you deserve to be congratulated. You are strong and courageous, knowing that every single day you will have an ongoing fight with yourself, and even if some days it feels like you have lost, you have not. Because you never gave up.
Don't let the negative stigma define you. Dont let anyone define you and tell you what you are and are not capable of. Because guess what, we are stronger than any of them. And it is all worth it. #IKEPTLIVING because to be honest I am afraid not to. I kept living because I dont want to bring pain to those I love. I kept living because I want to advocate for all those who struggle just like me, and to tell them you are not alone. You will survive. I kept living because I have this life and I want to be damn sure I live it to its fullest.
Last but not least, dont be afraid to tell your story. Because you may not know it, but someone is out there reading it and you may be saving them. You are an inspiration and we are all here for the same cause. Lets break the stigma. Mental illness is real, spread the word. And remember, you are not alone in this battle, we are all in this together. It does get better.
