I am writing this on the evening of November 18, 2016--the day before International Survivors of Suicide Day. There is significance to this for several reasons, but seemingly the most important is to shed light on the stories of those who have fought this battle. Today, November 18, 2016, someone will try to take their life. Not just a single person, but many people, will reach their breaking point and decide that they cannot find the will to live any longer. Some of them will be taken from this world forever, and others will wake up from their attempt back where they started. This is where the problem lies: we see someone survive a suicide attempt and expect things to be somewhat normal. After all, they woke up, and they are still here. Why would things not return to some level of normalcy? The issue is things have not been normal for this person in a long time, and because they woke up they most likely feel robbed of the escape from the demons of their mind that they so desperately sought out.

I cannot say that I fully understand what it feels like to be suicidal. I do know what it feels like to be so trapped in your own thoughts that you cannot escape them. To be so overwhelmed and crippled by emotions and anxiety that you can hardly find a way to function at even the most fundamental level. To be so lost in the chaos that is the demons of your mind that all you want to do is hide away somewhere and cry. I also know that if I had not had the help that I did then suicidal thoughts and tendencies would have been the next step in this downward spiral that was my endless battle with my own mind. Having dealt with these things in my own life has helped me empathize with people suffering at the hands of mental warfare because I have experienced how exhausting it can be.

I have known many people in my life to take their own lives and many who have tried and are still here. I have seen many of these people in both their weakest and strongest moments, and I admire them all more than they could possibly know. They are warriors, and their battle is never-ending.

If you are reading this and you are a friend/family member/significant other of a person struggling with suicidal thoughts or tendencies, these are my words for you:

Please be gentle and vigilant with your loved one who is dealing with this. They are scared, and there will be times where they feel weak and helpless. Remind them that they are not, but do not belittle how they feel. Find a way to let them know you are not going anywhere. That you will stay by their side through all of this. Most importantly, lead them to help. Get them to someone who can help them fight this battle, and remind them that with the power and will of many--anything is possible.

If you are reading this, and you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or tendencies, or are the survivor of a suicide attempt, these words are for you:

You have a purpose. No matter what you believe in, believe that you are here for a reason. You are not a waste of time, space, or energy. You are beautiful, and deserving of happiness. You have so much inside of you that you have not yet discovered. Things are dark and scary, and I will not demean that because your emotions are your truth. Know that you are cared about, and remember that you are loved by many. You are not broken or defective. You matter simply because you are who you are. Find peace in knowing that who you are will always be enough. And do not be afraid to seek companionship and help. What you are fighting is far from easy, but you are also far from being alone in that fight. Find hearts that will hold you close, even in the depths of your darkest moments. Those people will hold your hand and walk this journey with you as you keep pushing forward. You can overcome this, and your heart and soul are worthy of the effort and strength it will take to beat this. You are not alone, and you have the strength within yourself to not only win this battle but also win the war. Don't give up on yourself.

Love & Light,
Lexi F.