Please do not feel like what I'm about to say is an onslaught of outrage due to a society where women can fit into one box and one box only. This is an onslaught of outrage due to the fact that even though we live in 2017, it is more controversial to be groomed as a leader than to be groomed as a wife.
I am not attempting to be mean to men, or to my future husband, I promise. I just cannot subscribe to the idea that "Every relationship requires a masculine and a feminine energy to thrive."
According to Suzanne Venker, the writer of the book "The Alpha Female's Guide to Men & Marriage: How Love Works," women need to be feminine in order to make their relationships work. Because only women can be feminine...
The biggest problem I have with the excerpt of her book that was published on FoxNews.com, is that the title of the excerpt makes it seem that if you are an alpha female, you are not able to have a meaningful relationship with a man. By Venker's definition, alpha women are made in "large part due to women having been groomed to be leaders rather than to be wives...[they have] become too much like men. They’re too competitive. Too masculine. Too alpha."
First and foremost, I was not groomed to be a wife. I was not "groomed" at all if we really want to take terms back to the Victorian era. I grew up on skinned knees, softball glove and a loud Italian family that drew strength from the matriarchy. I won't apologize for my upbringing. I love the fact that I get more into sports than make-up (that doesn't mean I can't like make-up. You see how there can be more than one trope for people?) What I love, however, is not up to discussion for you. How I act is not up to discussion for you. My aspirations? You guessed it: not your decisions. Yes, you may play a part in that, but this is my life. We get one chance to accomplish in life what means the most. And as Lin Manuel-Miranda says "I am not throwing away my shot."
I'm not a man-hater. I am totally head-over-heels in love with my boyfriend. In our relationship, there is no feminine or masculine. We are people who like the same things, as well as each other. Actually, the first thing I told him was "If you can't keep up with my sass or intelligence, you might as well keep walking". Was that an act of Alpha Female Aggression? I don't know, maybe. Has my attitude changed since that conversation? Not in the least.
GASP.
Even though the Women's March was almost a month ago, I still hear people talking about how embarrassing those women are, how unbecoming it is to see women with signs like that, hats like that, dressed like that. It is not your job to tell other people to do. Your way...is not the highway when it comes to society. There are such things as basic human rights.
Venker's article continues on to discuss what men love, what they don't love and what attributes men find attractive. The article reads like an editorial that Cosmopolitan refused to run. Telling women that they need to be nice, that men react to the way women act and, finally, her own story of changing to meet her husband's needs. All things that are fine if that is your life. It does not have to be the life of every woman, man, or person.
The demonization of women in today's society by nearly everyone truly misses the mark. If you are an alpha, beta, or omega female, it does not matter how you find love, how you keep love, if you want to change yourself. The world does not have the authority to tell you how to love.
Future husband, if you're reading this, I will not be your feminine counterpart, nor will I expect you to be the masculine piece in my life. I will be your equal in our relationship, not only that, but I understand that being masculine and feminine is an ebb and flow, back and forth that has no constraints. I will love you more than anything whether you're cheering on the Penguins or crying when the father dies in the movie About Time. That's what you do, you love the person you're with through it all.
"Society is creating a new crop of alpha women who are unable to love." Suzanne Vicker, author of "The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men & Marriage: HOW LOVE WORKS."
