Life is messy. No one has a perfect life, but some people have messier pasts than others. It is part of who they are. You cant judge the taste of cereal by the color of the box, therefore you shouldn't judge a girl by her outside. So there are some things you need to know if you want to date a girl that has a messy past. It will not only help you understand her, but it will also help your relationship.
1. She is more resilient than you think, which means that she wont put up with any bullsh*t. People who have gone though hard stuff know they can move on.
2. If she seems like she overthinking everything you say and do, it's because in the past she didn't pay attention to those dismissive signs and got hurt.
3. If it seems like the is over-analyzing your relationship, it's because in the past, she learned not to trust her feelings too much.
4. She doesn't open up about her past because she needs to be fix, she's broken, or because it still bothers her. She tells you because it is a form of intimacy. Don't expect her to open up to much too quickly because in the past doing that has hurt her.
5. If you feel like calling her "crazy" or "insane", consider how you would have behaved if you went through the same circumstances that she has. Chances are, she reacted as any normal person with the ability to have emotions would. If she wasn't "crazy", she'd be emotionless psychopath. She would have been okay with how she was treated or simply not moved on after something messy.
6. Be glad she is strong enough to move on with life even though she's gone through hard stuff.
7. There will be some things that remind her of past experiences. Reassure her that this is different. Have patience. If it doesn't bring you closer, it will just push you farther apart.
8. Be consistently straightforward. Don't say things that you won't keep up with.
9. Know what you want before you ask her out. Don't win her trust, win her heart, and spend time with her to tell her it's "too complicated". All she will hear is: "I'm giving up on you."
10. Don't confuse silence with dishonesty. Sometimes battles have to be chosen, that doesn't mean she is not being open.
11. Don't confuse forgiveness for forgetting. People who have been through a lot do not forget when someone gives them a pick at their true character.
12. Remind her and remember yourself that the only way to see if a relationship will work is by actually being in it and not giving up after the first milestone. You can't think your way into a partnership. Either do or don't. Actions speak louder than words.
13. You do not need to be the idea of a "perfect partner". You don't need to be perfect at all. What she is looking is for honest connection, and the kind of person who will nurture and protect that connection when they find it. A relationship is not a sprint is a marathon.
14. Understand she is the person she is because of what she has lived. Don't see her as a victim with burdens, see her as a survivor that somehow still has the ability to care and possibly love you.
It is not going to be easy, but nothing that is worth it is. Once you climb the mountain and see the view, you'll realize that the struggle was worth it.
