Toxic Relationship

10 Clear Signs Of A Toxic Relationship I Wish I Had Seen Earlier

Sometimes we are so blinded by love that the signs that look us dead in the eye feel invisible.

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We're still in the first half of the year, so I hope that it's not too late to discuss one of my resolutions. I resolved to avoid toxic relationships that weren't healthy for me. In order to avoid being a part of such relationships, I felt the best course of action for me was to reflect on my past relationships that weren't too good for me and see the things that I ignored and pushed aside that truly were not good for me.

In looking at one relationship, in particular, I found plenty of signs of toxicity. Looking back two or so years after it ended, I wish I would've seen these signs before but was too blinded by caring for this person to see them. This eventually came back around to bite me later, so in hopes that I can save someone out there from staying in or taking back what is truly a toxic relationship, here are ten signs of a relationship that may be toxic for you and your future.

1. Your loved ones speak out against them 

Silhouette of four people holding hands against the sunset.

Your family and friends care about you a lot, and when there's something wrong with your relationship, they will almost definitely vocalize this. There have been cases of general dislike or just prejudice, but most close loved ones truly have what is best for you in mind. When we're in a relationship of any kind, we can often push aside what may seem so obvious to others, so listen to what they have to say and genuinely think about it outside of your blind care.

2. You feel like you can't be your whole self around them without losing them 

Guy holding up polaroid picture of himself against a colorful background

When we first enter any kind of relationships, we can be tentative to be who we really are or share certain things about ourselves, but eventually, we can open up and be comfortable with that person to share those kinds of things. However, if that comfort never really comes where you can be honest about who you are or about your past, especially based by some kind of pressure or notion of the other person, it is not a good relationship to be in. No friendship or relationship is worth losing who you truly are.

3. They're the best thing to ever happen to you, and they use it against you 

Empty, dark outdoor space with a single person walking

Many people fear being alone, and to have someone who seems to want to be around you can feel like the greatest thing to ever happen to you. We hear the term, "the best thing to ever happen to me" a lot, whether it be in wedding speeches or cute Instagram posts for a best friend's birthday. But when that person is using their role as that term for a person as a means to take advantage of them, there's a clear sign of toxicity within the relationship.

4. They boss you around and pressure you, and you let them 

Dog puppet on strings

When they want their way, they get it and you've become used to having to relent to how they want things or they'll make you miserable. It can feel like your word or opinion doesn't matter to them to the point where you don't even want to express it. They'll tell you what to do and never take no for an answer, and if you try to say no the pressure or guilt they'll pile on will be overwhelming and exhausting to deal with.

5. They don't seem to care about your comfort or happiness, just their own 

Throw pillows set against a bright window

Some people are very concerned with their own comfort, and I don't want to say that is wrong or bad. However, when you care deeply someone, you never want them to be in a situation where they don't feel comfortable or happy. If this does happen by chance, someone who truly values you will be apologetic, try to reassure you, and find a way to avoid this kind of discomfort from ever happening again. If they don't see the problem with your discomfort because of how happy or comfortable a situation was for them, then they're not worth your time or effort.

6. They don't see or understand how their actions may hurt or affect you 

Woman with her eyes being covered by someone else's hands.

Often times, it can be hard to admit the pain we have caused others, but we can still come to understand it and maybe eventually, apologize. However, when someone who truly is no good for you does something that hurts you, they don't seem to understand how what they did hurt you, however small or large it may have been. They may say you're overreacting or simply still not get it when you explain it to them. Consider what you would and would not understand if the roles were reversed, and see if you can still see yourself not understanding the way they may not be.

7. You're the only one really putting in effort 

Two people walking up a hill of some kind

When it comes to being there for big events or even small things like dates or hangouts, it feels like you're the only one planning anything between you two. On top of that, you seem to be the only one trying generally, making yourself available to talk if they're having a hard time, but finding yourself alone when you're in their position. You may buy gifts or make cute playlists for the person, small things that show you care, but get pretty much nothing in return.

8. They don't seem to have a problem lying to you or with hiding big things that affect you directly 

Silhouette of a guy looking down at his phone

Possibly one of the most glaring signs that someone is no good for you is how easy it is to lie to you about things. White lies are an entirely different category, meaning something along the lines of not letting you onto a surprise they may have in store. But if they lie about something major and you find out through some other source, and they don't have any true justification for why they kept it from you, there's a problem. It should never be easy to lie to someone you care about when regarding things that may affect them directly in a big way. They may say they were trying to protect your feelings, but if it may be that they were just trying to really protect themselves. So, take a step back and evaluate the truth behind the lie and how they covered it up.

9. They never seem to say "sorry" 

Bus in a cityscape with the word sorry on its destination sign.

Going off of sign number six is that their lack of understanding bleeds into a refusal to apologize. For some people, apologizing or admitting they were wrong is hard, and I understand that. But, when the person you care about finds the notion of apologizing ridiculous, especially for something large scale or impactful, there is clearly an issue. We're not all open books, and some people are too stubborn to not see our parts in conflicts or issues with others. However, a relationship you truly value should always mean more than your pride, and when they can't give that up, maybe it's time to let them go.

10.  They deflect the blame onto you for everything, no exceptions 

Small lego knight holding a sword and shield with a human foot about to step on it.

This again goes into this idea of apologizing and not understanding their own part in a conflict or argument. Often times, I've noticed that one excuse people using for not apologizing, or use as some kind of pseudo-apology is, "Well I wouldn't have ____ if you wouldn't have ____." Again, this may be an issue of pride that some people struggle with, but when this is their only way of "apologizing," it's time to let go. No one should feel like the whole conflict and where it escalated to was their fault, and to deflect the blame on someone time and time again instead of growing up and working on a solution is a clear sign of someone who is no good for you.

My personal experience with toxic relationships is very limited. I would say I've only truly had one relationship I would label bad for me both at the time and after. However, my experience within that relationship taught me a lot about myself and the kind of toxicity can bring into the lives of others. I don't want to end this article with the notion that everyone who has one or two of these traits are completely toxic because there are some people who truly struggle with their pride, self-awareness, or need for control in a relationship setting, but who are trying their hardest every day to work on these aspects of themselves.

I think the most important thing I can leave you with is the best way I've found to avoid falling into the trap of a toxic relationship of any kind, or to power through and end one. Maintain your self-awareness, love and acknowledge yourself, and remember you are not defined by anyone else. I am content with who I am, strengths, weaknesses, and everything in between, and I hope you'll take on my resolution (despite it being March) and work to love yourself and never let any relationship or person change who you are.

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20 Reasons You Should Date A Nurse, As Told By Their Significant Others

Who better to get advice from than the ones actually doing it?

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Have you ever wondered what it is like to date a nurse? Why do some people do it? Don't they have countless 12-hour shifts (including nights), bring home gross diseases, always tired, holidays are up in the air, and tell ungodly stories that make you nauseous? Well, there are a lot more bright sides we don't always see.

I could tell you that nurses are natural caretakers, compassionate, smart, a little sarcastic, patient, etc., or you can hear all that and more from people who actually date nurses.

So, I asked 20 couples to tell me why dating a nurse is the best decision you can make.

1. You get the best start to your day.

Ari and Victoria

"It means getting used to being woken up early in the morning by his goodbye kiss as he goes off to the hospital. As much as I hate my sleep being disturbed, I worry when I don't get my morning kiss." -Victoria

2. The BEST personalities come from nurses. 

Kristine And Makato

"You get to be with a person who has a genuine caring and nurturing personality. You get someone who can put themselves in your shoes and still find it within themselves to put aside their differences in order to make sure you are okay. You get a one of a kind individual that you feel can do anything because of what the field demands. You feel like the luckiest person in the world because of these things. ♥️♥️♥️" -Makato

3. No emergency will scare them away. 

Theresa and Andrew

"Ladies, you should date a nurse because you'll always have emergency care 24/7. Seriously, the other day I fell and cut my knee. He was over with supplies and basically performed a full freaking head to toe assessment before I even knew what happened. Also, have you ever seen a man in scrubs? It's really a win win situation" -Theresa

4. You probably don't need health insurance

Alyssa and Mike

"So I don't have to go to the doctor's every time my head hurts. You can help." -Mike

5. They have the best sense of style.

Jenny and Emily (basically each others significant others...bffs 4 lyfe)

"Date a nurse because they are kind, compassionate, and always there to take care of you. Sick? BOOM, they know what to do. Need someone that you can trust to talk to? BOOM, they'll listen and never tell a soul what you said. Like a girl in uniform? BOOM, scrubs all day every day." -Jenny

6. You have your own walking, talking, WebMD (without the whole "you're probably dying" thing). 

Taylor and Matt

"Date a nurse because anytime I do something stupid like fall in the river, dislocate my knee fishing, cut my hands on rusty objects, knock teeth loose, get sick, or worry about medical problems, I have my own personal WebMD." -Matt

7. You get random check ups. 

Hannah and Robert

"I was watching TV, and out of nowhere, she's checking my pulse. She tells you you're breathing too much. She tells you you're not breathing enough. It's constant check up's." -Robert

(In our defense, we check peoples respiratory rate for a living. I know when I see 24 breaths/min or 14 breaths/min. Let me be.)

8. Your anxiety will be diminished and you save a ton of money. 

Ari and Victoria

"I spend way less on doctor bills and medical supplies now that I can ask my boyfriend my medical questions instead of having to go to the doctor to be told I'm perfectly healthy. He keeps my hypochondria in check for sure. My response to the littlest pain or annoyance is no longer 'call an ambulance'."-Victoria

9. They know how to call out bullshit. 

Cheryl and Carmine

"You do not get a lot of sympathy - unless you are REALLY sick or hurt !" -Carmine

10. They are always willing to help out. Because of this, YOU get to help out by becoming a practice dummy! 

Sammi and Caleb

"When dating a nurse you become a patient 24/7. Any new thing she's learning in class, gets practiced on you. If you're thinking about dating a nurse I'll tell you this, DO IT! They'll always be looking to help anyone who's sick or not in a great place mentally and I believe that to be the greatest trait anyone could have and I see that in a majority of nurses" -Caleb

11. They change you for the better. 

Erica and Jack

"Okay so she makes me grossly healthy, when I want burger king or something like that she offers to make healthy burgers, she convinced me to quit cigarettes because it is unhealthy, she checks my blood pressure constantly and when it's bad she lets me know and I go to the doctor's" -Jack

12. You basically have your own superhero.

Bryanna and Ryan

"Uhhh, duhhh you should date a nurse because they save lives; you're basically dating a superhero." -Ryan

Isn't this all we wanted as kids?

13. There is no such thing as being "too gross". They've seen it all. 

Jocelynn and Brandon

"You should date a nurse because you'll have someone who's able to patch you up after a stupid night out with the guys. Plus, you get a girl who's always responsible and selfless who wears her heart on her sleeve on the job & off. Knows how to be serious, yet still manages to use her sense of humor. Also, I get to pick my nose & fart without her being disgusted by it (MOST TIMES)" -Brandon

14. You're confused a lot because of all the terminology they are excited to share with you, but  don't worry they'll explain it. (We know the doctors never do *cough* *cough* another reason to date a nurse). 

Julia and Will

"You confuse me with words of nursing that I've never heard of or can barely even pronounce. Be prepared for overthinking and stress. A good thing about dating a nurse would be they know how to help when you get sicky, and it's hard to gross them out." -Will

15. They'll deal with your shit...sometimes

Zoe and Bobby

"Cause they take care of you when you're sick, lol. And they have a lot of patience..."

16. Are you a nurse dating a nurse? You will understand each other and their struggles immensely. 

Stanley and Rachel

She said : "You should date a nurse because they're so caring & know how to take care of you & are really smart & hardworking (aka my baby)"

He said: "Date a nurse because they are the most passionate of people. They care harder than anyone else and they will always be concerned with you and making sure you are okay, not just outside with cuts and bruises but on the inside where it counts in your heart. Also like, we just get each other and understand the time and work it takes and that's friggin huge"

AKA, they're basically the same human.

17. You kinda sorta maybe get a free pass to do stupid shit, because your nurse will be there. 

Erin and Joe

"You can do stupid shit and not have to worry about going to the hospital because she'll take care of you when you ultimately get hurt"-Joe

18. You have a knight in shining...scrubs? Yea, scrubs. Scrubs are definitely more moveable than armor. They're always ready to come save you.  

Mary and Nate

"I would say, 'Dating a nurse is peace of mind knowing that they have things under control when you slice your finger open even though they're an hour away' -Nate

19. If you're still wondering if dating a nurse is best for you, take it from these ladies who LIVE WITH ONE. (They're basically each others significant others).

Sarah (the nurse) with all the ones who put up with her: Maggie, Jenna, Claudia, Sophie, and Mellissa

"They complain about a headache but won't take medicine. They will be unavailable for hours at a time when exams are coming up" -Jenna

"When they come home tired from clinical and get drunk they want to kiss everyone" -Sophie

"You'll learn more than you ever wanted to know about the human body. They'll talk sense into you if you go too deep into WebMD" -Jenna (again; she was very passionate about this topic)

"They become your own personal WebMD, more logical though"- Mellissa

This is a confirmation that everyone else's statements are correct.

20. But honestly though....

Jess and Filip

"The real question is, why would you NOT want to date a nurse?!?" -Filip

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Ladies, Stop Trying To Teach Boys How To Be Your Man If They're Not Even Men In The First Place

It is your job to love him. But it is not your job to teach him how to love you back.

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I see. this way too often, honestly it upsets me and breaks my heart. It breaks my heart when I see a girl begging her boyfriend to put her on her Snapchat story. It breaks my heart when I see a girl begging her boyfriend to get off a video game and spend time with her. It breaks my heart when I see a girl doodling on a napkin at the dinner table and her boyfriend is on his phone and hasn't even looked up at her once. These things break my heart because this girl, whoever she may be, maybe it is you? She deserves a man. What she has though, is a boy. And before you say anything, yes, there is a huge difference.

I was that girl once. I begged and begged my ex-boyfriend all the time to put me on his Snapchat story. You may be reading this and be thinking "Wow she's a little attention seeking." No, that is not it at all. A simple act of being posted about made me feel special, loved, missed at times, and served as reassurance and a word of affirmation for me. Do you want to know something silly? Maybe you've done it too. Sometimes I would do something crazy to get his attention. Something funny, and silly and random just so he would post me on his story and I wouldn't have to ask.

At the dinner table, I was that girl that while he was on his phone I was sliding him notes on a napkin saying "I love you" or "Hi" or funny jokes to get his full and undivided attention.

At home, I was the girl that used to literally throw myself at him while he was playing video games to try and get him to press pause for two minutes and pay attention to me and have a conversation with me.

You see, I was that girl. But I refuse to ever be that girl again. If you are that girl, stop what you're doing.

It is your job to love him. But it is not your job to teach him how to love you back.

There is a big difference between a boy and a man. Contrary to what society may believe most boys don't actually turn into men until they are almost 40. Scary for us girls right? But here's the kicker and to be honest it has nothing to do with age.

Any boy that is in the process of becoming a man and maturing is going to know how to treat a woman. He is not going to choose video games or his phone over you. He is going to post you everywhere all the time because he wants to show you off to the world and make you feel special. He isn't going to ever leave you wondering.

The list could really go on comparing and contrasting the differences between a boy and a man but the important ones to remember when you are in a relationship are:

1. A boy thinks "me." A man thinks "us"

2. A boy gives false promises. A man honors his commitments (one being you.)

3. A boy cares about how you look in jeans. A man cares about how you look in his future.

4. You will always wonder how a boy feels about you. You will always know how a man feels about you.

All too often I see girls in the act of this. It is almost like they are training a dog or raising a child. They order them around and become demanding when it comes to doing things that make them feel special, validated and reassured. Granted, they are doing this because their relationship is lacking something but the truth is, it shouldn't be lacking something in the first place.

You are dating a boy not a man. I hate to break that to you. I really do. It's the hardest news you'll ever receive. Why? Well because

You can't fix him, you can't teach him, and you can't change a boy into a man. They have to do it on their own

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