With the stress of this semester's finals looming, college students everywhere are looking for new and innovative ways to procrastinate studying.
Kayla R., a Food Studies major at The New School, says that when she's procrastinating researching the life cycle of avocados, she tends to compulsively dust her apartment. "Yeah, either that or I'll stress-eat some nuts and berries from my organic, GMO-free window sill garden," Kayla reveals.
Another New School student, self-proclaimed "19 year old grandma", Miranda S., says that she deals with academic stress in her own special way: "I usually lock myself in small, dark places and watch RuPaul's Drag Race."
I, however, have found my own coping mechanism that is both productive and cathartically pastel -- I've started planning my very own Pinterest wedding!
If you're as stressed and single as I am, feel free to follow along as I show you how to tell your real life responsibilities to go suck a fat one, and instead, plan your dream marital bash!
Step 1: Location, location, LO-CA-TION!
Where you host your nuptials and reception set the mood for the entire night, so make sure you pick somewhere with an open bar and doors in the middle of a field.
For my Pinterest wedding, I personally opted for a summery outdoor setting with a rustic aesthetic. Ideally, my ceremony would be held in the shade of a sturdy oak. Then for the reception, my guests would migrate to a lush foothill, a perfect backdrop in which to toast monogamy while one of my bridesmaids doinks a member of the Mumford & Sons cover band.
Step 2: "Decor no one can ignore."
Twinkle lights, burlap, mason jars, adirondack chairs, hay bales, the term "shabby chic" -- these are all examples of how I made my Pinterest wedding look super DIY and cute. My advice to you would be to pick a clear aesthetic for your Pinterest wedding and go balls-to-the-wall with it; make sure every guest feels personally victimized by your groundbreaking use of reclaimed wood slabs.
Step 3: THE DRESS. *Salivates.*
Look for a dress cut that makes your Apple Bottoms look right. Then let your guests bask in the glory of your breathtaking ass as they are forced to sit through you and whoever tearfully exchanging vows for 56 minutes.
For my dress, I went with a little lacy number that would probably make me look like a promiscuous forest nymph. Contemplating a citronella-infused flower crown from Etsy as I write this.
Step 4: The flowers!!!
The hot trend with Pinterest wedding floral arrangements is succulents, so if you want to stay current, then obviously go with those. But for those of us who are a bit more ~rebellious~, I say, "Fuck the norm!" Just carry a potted plant down the aisle with you.
Step 5: CAKE.
SO. MANY. OPTIONS. You could go with the traditional three-layer, a colorful cupcake display, or even fucking cake pops! To complete my rustic Pinterest wedding aesthetic though, I've decided to go with a "naked cake". Naked cakes have sufficiently less frosting and taste like doo doo, but they look nice, so okay!
Step 6: Wedding photos that will go viral!!!
My advice would be to only take pictures that your bridesmaids and groomsmen will cringe at the thought of, but go along with because they have to.
Here are some great examples:
Step 6: PARTAY. FAVORS.
I pinned this totally adorable idea of giving everyone a pack of seeds to plant so they can "watch love grow" as they choke back a baby barf! Obsessed? Obsessed!
If you go with a more modest Pinterest wedding, however, maybe go with an understated candle for a party favor. Or if you have a beach Pinterest wedding, give everyone crabs to remember your magical day with!
And there you have it! You're ready to waste the next 12 hours you could be using to study planning your very own Pinterest wedding. Now go forth, young disciple, and pick out your dream bouquet that you will, at this point, probably never get to toss because you're so fucking single!
Happy finals, all!
