Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of making your college transition can be making the decision to go long-distance with your SO. I’m not going to lie to you, it’s difficult. But, there are some things you can do to make it easier on both of you- after all, it’s a team effort. I have been in a long-distance relationship for three years. My boyfriend graduated a year before me to go to school in Iowa while I remained in Colorado for my senior year of high school before deciding to continue to college at CC. I’d like to share some things with you that I’ve learned over the years about making it work.
Making the decision
Like I said before, going long-distance is a team effort. If both of you are not completely on board, it’s not going to work. Remember, you are going to have to get used to going from seeing each other every day to perhaps not seeing each other for several months at a time. Some things to consider on your own are: how long have you two been together? Do you feel that your relationship is mature enough to withstand weeks/ months apart? Do you trust your partner to be completely faithful to you while they are away? Be sure to think about these questions on your own, then come to your partner for the final discussion. It may be harder to admit to yourself that you think one of these isn’t all the way there if you are sitting right in front of them.
Once you’ve decided to seal the deal, I highly recommend that you sit down one on one with them and very clearly state what you are and are not comfortable with each other doing while you are not around. Also, just in case your schedules don’t end up coinciding, try to agree on when you are going to set some time away to call or skype each other.
Saying goodbye
Saying goodbye is by far the hardest part of being long distance. After three years, I am not ashamed to admit that I still cry like a baby every time we say goodbye, especially after getting to see him for more than a few days. The best advice I can give is, before you leave, to set a date when you will see each other next. This way you can already have your mind set on a specific time, instead of feeling like there’s no way of knowing when you’ll see them again.
Going the Distance
Alright, so I’ve probably thoroughly scared you by now telling you some of the toughest aspects of long distance. If small, I can give you some comfort- it does get easier with time. The first week of being apart is probably the hardest, but the most important thing is to stay busy! Sitting in bed and moping is probably one of the worst things you can do for both your mind and your heart. Hang out with friends, read a book, go to the gym, or try to join an on- campus activity. Do something that will cheer you up and take your mind off of it for a little bit.
That being said, the number one key to making long distance work is COMMUNICATION. I can't stress this enough. My significant other and I text basically all day and skype once a week. We both set aside a time every Sunday to make sure that we don’t miss a skype session. These planned ‘mini dates’ can help a lot, especially if you or your significant other tend to have busy schedules that don’t coincide. But remember, this is what works for us. I have seen many other couples who barely talk at all and do just fine, and everything in between. Each couple will have their own idea of what feels comfortable as far as how often to stay in touch, just feel it out and know that whatever you decide is perfectly acceptable.
Lastly, try to figure out, at least roughly, when you will get to see each other during the year. It helps a lot to be able to count down the days to seeing them again rather than not knowing at all. If you do decide to fly out and stay at school with them for a few days, split the ticket or reciprocate the favor- one person doing all the work is no fun!
On one final note, I have to tell you that you are going to run into many obstacles in the course of being long distance. Remember, you can’t always expect exactly what is going to happen once you get to school, so if your significant other does something you don’t like or begins some bad habits, don’t panic. Talk it out and try to compromise. Unfortunately, odds are you might also run into a couple haters every now and then. You’re with your partner for a reason, and you made a big decision to keep them around! Explain that when you are together, it is worth it and you wouldn’t give it up for the world, then brush off anyone who tries to talk you out of it. Remember, if you love each other and are committed 100%, nothing can come in between you. Good luck!
