How to Pretend You Know Football

How to Pretend You Know Football

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Remember that time when you were watching the game and shouted “Hole in one!” or said “Wait, I don’t see LeBron James down there” or asked “If it’s called football…why do they play with their hands?”

If you have a shameful memory like that, help is on the way.

Not every American is a football genius, but you don’t have to be obsessed with the game to support your team. Not many can resist the pumped up atmosphere filled with boys, girls, and booze, so why not, right? By all means go to the game and cheer your heart out.

But in order to avoid confused looks and ashamed friends/family, you have to cheer the right way. If you know nothing about football - first of all, God help you. Second of all, here’s how to not sound completely incompetent when watching the game.

“Wait…who’s playing?”

I know it’s shocking, but take look at the scoreboard! This lovely monster of a sign is there for your convenience. It will tell you which two teams are playing. It will most likely give the abbreviation of the team and their team logos next to it. If you can’t distinguish who your home team is on the scoreboard, you should seriously reconsider your life choices, but I digress.

Do yourself and your reputation a favor and never ask anyone around you who is playing; smartphones were invented for a reason, use them. You can type in the abbreviation and you’ll find your answer within seconds. Also, common sense is key. GB does not stand for gigabyte, its Green Bay - just like CHI is not referring to your hair straightener, its Chicago. 

Think people, think! College team abbreviations are very straightforward, for example, IOWA is The University of Iowa, and NDAME is Notre Dame.

“Which one’s the quarterback?...What’s a quarterback?”

To put it simply, there is an offense and a defense on the field. The offense has the ball and is trying to score against the defense, who are trying to defend. The quarterback is the most important offensive player. In social media terms, he is the guy who gets most of the screen time and who’s most likely on all the food/credit card commercials, okay? The quarterback receives the ball after “hut hut hike!” and either runs with the ball or passes it to another teammate to try and score a touchdown.

Learn his name, and you can cheer him on along with everyone else. You don’t want to mistake your quarterback for another player on a different football team or, dare I say it, a different sports team. LeBron James plays basketball, people, not football.

“LET’S GO (insert team name here)!” 

The ultimate way to express your enthusiasm for your team without naming statistics or players is to cheer! Get into it! Show you care! Nobody will put you down for supporting your boys. When everyone else around you is doing a specific motion or chant in response to a play, listen/look once and imitate. You don’t even have to know what it means, save that for Google later.

You will stick out and look ridiculous if you’re the only one in your section not standing up for the kickoff or not participating in Panchero’s Burrito Lift. Your opinion on burritos is irrelevant at this point, put your hands up and lift. Participating in these chants and game rituals makes you look like a local fan who knows what’s up.

“Where’s the basket?”

My poor child, separate your sports please. There is no type of basket, box, or bucket, in football that you put the ball in. Let’s get that straight right now. Instead, there is an "end zone" where all the offensive players are trying to run to with the ball. These zones are the rectangular zones located at each end of the field where those pitchfork looking structures ("the goalposts") are. They usually are colored differently than the rest of the field and have a team name across them as well.

Once an offensive player runs into this zone with the ball, they have just scored a touchdown. This is where you yell “Touchdown!” and yell your heart out. Clap your hands, high five your neighbor, do a victory dance! Make sure it was your team that just scored though, not your opponent, that would be awkward.   

Knowing these basic facts can help you pull off a football-knowing façade any game day of the year. When it all comes down to it, as long as you love your team then you’re already on the right track to knowing football. Go, fight, win!

Aw, you just learned that? Well there ya go, keep it up.

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When You Give A Girl A Dad

You give her everything
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They say that any male can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad. That dads are just the people that created the child, so to speak, but rather, dads raise their children to be the best they can be. Further, when you give a little girl a dad, you give her much more than a father; you give her the world in one man.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her a rock.

Life is tough, and life is constantly changing directions and route. In a world that's never not moving, a girl needs something stable. She needs something that won't let her be alone; someone that's going to be there when life is going great, and someone who is going to be there for her when life is everything but ideal. Dads don't give up on this daughters, they never will.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her a role model.

If we never had someone to look up to, we would never have someone to strive to be. When you give a little girl someone to look up to, you give her someone to be. We copy their mannerisms, we copy their habits, and we copy their work ethic. Little girls need someone to show them the world, so that they can create their own.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her the first boy she will ever love.

And I'm not really sure someone will ever be better than him either. He's the first guy to take your heart, and every person you love after him is just a comparison to his endless, unmatchable love. He shows you your worth, and he shows you what your should be treated like: a princess.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her someone to make proud.

After every softball game, soccer tournament, cheerleading competition, etc., you can find every little girl looking up to their dads for their approval. Later in life, they look to their dad with their grades, internships, and little accomplishments. Dads are the reason we try so hard to be the best we can be. Dads raised us to be the very best at whatever we chose to do, and they were there to support you through everything. They are the hardest critics, but they are always your biggest fans.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her a credit card.

It's completely true. Dads are the reason we have the things we have, thank the Lord. He's the best to shop with too, since he usually remains outside the store the entire time till he is summoned in to forge the bill. All seriousness, they always give their little girls more than they give themselves, and that's something we love so much about you.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her a shoulder to cry on.

When you fell down and cut yourself, your mom looked at you and told you to suck it up. But your dad, on the other hand, got down on the ground with you, and he let you cry. Then later on, when you made a mistake, or broke up with a boy, or just got sad, he was there to dry your tears and tell you everything was going to be okay, especially when you thought the world was crashing down. He will always be there to tell you everything is going to be okay, even when they don't know if everything is going to be okay. That's his job.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her a lifelong best friend.

My dad was my first best friend, and he will be my last. He's stood by me when times got tough, he carried me when I just couldn't do it anymore, and he yelled at me when I deserved it; but the one thing he has never done was give up on me. He will always be the first person I tell good news to, and the last person I ever want to disappoint. He's everything I could ever want in a best friend and more.


Dads are something out of a fairytale. They are your prince charming, your knight in shinny amour, and your fairy godfather. Dads are the reasons we are the people we are today; something that a million "thank you"' will never be enough for.

Cover Image Credit: tristen duhon

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5 Songs Tony Stark Has Definitely Blasted As Iron Man

Iron Man, Iron Maiden, iron playlist!

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If you've never thought about what kind of music Iron Man would bop to, where even have you been? As a diehard Marvel fan, I've done more than my own fair share of reading up on canon facts, fics, and more when it comes to Tony Stark.

One of my first loves, RDJ's egocentric billionaire-turned-world saver is for real the love of my life. As a metalhead, who wouldn't? Tony has an impeccable music taste! We already know he tinkers to Suicidal Tendencies, per the first film in the franchise, so... keeping true to MCU lore, I present to you five songs that Tony would most definitely blast through the Iron Man suit.

"For Whom the Bell Tolls" - Metallica, 1984

In the comic series Iron Man: Hypervelocity, Tony makes many references to an extensive playlist "heavily skewed" to '80s metal. If you don't have Metallica in that playlist, who even are you? This is a good track that perhaps compliments ACDC's Hell's Bell's featured as a prominent in the franchise.

"Amerika" - Rammstein, 2004

I imagine an alternative universe where Tony is a hardcore Euro metal fan. I am also completely confident that Tony would appreciate this song because I feel as if he becomes disenchanted with the uber materialism, flippant view of struggle in other countries, and the overall push for "Americanization" that he starts to take notice of following the first film...

"Back in the Saddle" - Aerosmith, 1976

I can see Iron Man digging in and working in his shop, be it on a muscle car or the latest Stark technologies. I feel like this is one of those songs that gets the ol' Stark blood pumpin', especially when he needs to be most in the zone.

"Irresistible" - Fall Out Boy, 2015

I also have an alternative universe where Tony is a post-MCR emo who has a lot of feelings, and he needs this song to cope with his relationship with Pepper — especially pre-Spiderman: Homecoming.

"Mad Sounds" - Arctic Monkeys, 2013

"Mad sounds in your ears, they make you get up and dance"

Iron Man is a softie, and we know it. He is not always the rock solid, mucho charismatic sex god we see on the outside. Tony is a flawed man. He has made mistakes, but I still think he needs a feel-good song — even if this one is tinged with a bit of melancholy. This track comes from my fav Arctic Monkeys album, and I firmly believe Tony needs this one. I like to think he sings it sleepily to Pepper in bed on a Sunday morning.

I hope this playlist satisfies that MCU fix you were craving because I know it did mine. Maybe check out these songs for yourself, and see if you can find a little bit of Tony in each.

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