I was a senior in high school the first time I lived alone. I was subletting a room in an apartment in LA, where I stayed for about a month while doing an internship. Even though it was summer, and I was doing fascinating research at UCLA, this was easily one of the most emotionally challenging months of my life. When I wasn't at the lab, I was either sitting alone in my room or sitting alone in a coffee shop, blasting music through my headphones to silence my overflowing thoughts.
Prior to coming to LA, I had made enormous strides in battling my depression and body dysmorphia, but coming to a place where I knew no one and felt completely alone, I quickly fell back into my old self-destructive habits.
Although I consider myself an introvert, being completely alone or isolated from my peers and family was extremely difficult for me. Fortunately, since coming to college, I've grown a lot more comfortable with my own company. Instead of sending me into a cycle of negative thoughts, being alone now provides me with the mental clarity to introspect or think deeply about my life and personal growth.
If you learn to become your own best friend, you'll be less vulnerable to boredom or loneliness. You can learn to be grateful for time you get to spend with yourself, rather than resentful of own your company. Next time you find yourself feeling lonely and want to combat potentially destructive thoughts that can come with being alone, try some of these ideas to embrace your solitude.
1. Get creative
Draw, write, dance, make music. While I don't think that distracting yourself is always the best way to combat loneliness, I think there is a degree of self discovery that comes with expressing oneself creatively that is worthwhile when you're overcoming solitude. I love writing in my journal because it's a way for me to meditate on current events and emotions in my life, while being able to look back and observe them with a degree of objectivity.
2. Listen to music
Especially when I go on long car rides or walks, it's really difficult for me to be with myself without listening to music. Being comfortable with solely the sound of my own thoughts is something I still continue to work on, but until I fully learn to be with my own thoughts, here's a morning playlist that keeps my mind at ease while I walk to class:
"Dreams" - Fleetwood Mac
"Nothin On My Mind" - Astronomyy
"All I Wanna Do" - The Beach Boys
"Ivy" - Frank Ocean
"All My Friends" - LCD Soundsystem
"All the Ways" - Wet
"Good Feeling" - Violent Femmes
"Laika" - Sticky Fingers
"Dazzle" - Oh Wonder
3. Make a fancy meal
With no one around to judge your cooking, you can really experiment in the kitchen. Cooking for yourself is really satisfying because everything tastes better when you know how much work you put into it, and the process itself is super fun.
4. Be in nature
Whether this means going for a run, hiking, or just sitting and observing the beautiful world around you, being in nature can be one of the most emotionally and spiritually grounded experiences. For me, spending a little time every day outside is really healing and a nice way to enjoy my own company. It also allows me to think and reflect on my life in a peaceful, non-stressful setting. However, make sure, when you're thinking, to look at situations and your emotions objectively, and be careful not to overanalyze or be overly critical of yourself.
5. Relax
Take a long bath or shower. Meditate. Do whatever is relaxing to you, don't touch your phone, and really try to enjoy your own company. Give yourself time to focus on nothing but being where you are in the present moment.
No matter where you are in your journey to enjoying the time you spend alone, I encourage you to try to go to at least one meal alone every day. College can be hectic, and we are constantly being bombarded by phone notifications and social obligations. Taking a little time for yourself every day is something you can do that will really help you love yourself and your company as you mature.
