Although it is a daily battle that I've fought for years, depression has helped me learn so many new things, that if it weren't for it, I would have never known. It is not something I can control, nor something I can just make go away. Even if I had the opportunity to get rid of it, I would chose to keep it around forever.
It has always been a constant reassurance that I or anything I do is never good enough. It has torn me down, broke me, and brought me to many points in my life I never thought I'd ever meet. Aside from all the hurt depression has brought to me, it has also taught me many things every person has to learn to deal with at some point in their life.
Depression has come with many days that consisted of sleeping, overthinking, and a little voice telling me I'm never good enough. The pain is an on-going pain that never goes away.
Along with all the hurt, depression has made me face many obstacles that I have overcome. All of the sleepless nights caused by overthinking have made me come to the realization that things will get better, only if I allow it to. The little voice always telling me I wasn't and am not good enough taught me that not every person is going to agree with the choices you make and that is okay. The hurt and sadness that depression has made me feel showed me that in time all things heal, even if some take longer than others. Each thing depression has thrown at me, I've taken the time to figure it out and learn how to deal with it.
It has made me mentally, physically, and emotionally unstable.
Before I understood what depression actually was, I never saw myself having to face it. I could never picture crying for hours, not wanting to get out of dark rooms, or being sad for no reason. It has caused me to build up a wall that will stay until I allow myself to break it down.
With all that depression has sprung on me, and affected my life, it is something I want to live with forever. Dealing with the hard the fight of it, it has managed to make me understand more, and overcome many challenges. It has expanded my outlook on how things work, and not everything will always be alright, but manageable. Having depression will forever be teaching me lessons, and help me mature to what I need to prepare for what life has to throw at me.
Even if depression isn't something beautiful, it has made a huge impact on my mind and it is the only thing that has came around, and is to stay. It is my worst enemy and my best friend. For everything it has taught me, I am forever grateful.
