Living with depression is something I would never wish on my worst enemy. It’s painful, it’s exhausting and it’s invisible. Those around you can’t see that you’re hurting and more times than not, you can’t explain why. And it’s so much more than just being sad. It’s feeling tired and guilty and worthless and empty and numb, all at the same time. While it is a daily challenge and a lifelong battle, my depression has taught me things I couldn’t have learned without it.
1. How to ask for help.
For quite some time, I tried to deal with it on my own. I thought since it was a personal struggle I, personally, should be able to handle it. After months of physically hurting myself in an attempt to feel something, I decided enough was enough. Let me tell you, there is nothing more terrifying, shameful or nerve-wracking than admitting to your parents what you’ve been doing and telling them that you need to get help before you take it too far. Asking for help was so hard, but looking back on it I can see that it was necessary and I’m so glad I did.
2. It’s a bad day, not a bad life.
I have days that I think I won't survive. I have days that I can do nothing, but lay in bed and sleep and feel bad about myself. There are days that I want to give up and on those days I think about how there is no point because I’m going to feel like this for the rest of my life. Then I wake up the next morning ready to start my day. I am productive and energized and happy. The bad days are bad, but they don’t last. I know I will have more of them, but they won't dominate my life. It’s just so hard to see that in the moment when you’re so exhausted and so tired of feeling the way you do. Just remember, it’s a bad day, not a bad life.
3. It’s okay to rest; It’s not okay to quit.
When things get too hard to bear, it’s okay to rest. It’s okay to take a day or even a week off and pamper yourself or sleep all day or spend the day in nature or whatever it is that makes you feel better. You can miss a day of school or cancel your plans with your friends if you need to. Your mental health is more important. But please don’t quit. This is something I had to learn the hard way. My depression got the best of me and I quit. It was a bad day and I quit. I quit school, I moved away, and I cut off all ties to my friends. Then I realized that just because it had been a bad day, it wasn’t a bad life. Over the next year I spent my time trying to get back into school, resigning a lease to my apartment, and rebuilding relationships with the people I loved most. It’s not worth it. Don’t quit.
4. Empathy
I feel like I see people on a different level than I used to. I really try to listen and hear the things that they won't say out loud. I pick up on the tiniest of changes and read between the lines when they tell me they “just don’t feel good” or that “it was the cat.” Depression is different for everyone, so I can’t say that I know exactly what they’re feeling, but I can understand the emotions that accompany it and I can understand when someone says they don’t know what’s wrong. Even if they say nothing’s wrong, they just don’t feel happy, I can understand that on a level that I wouldn’t be able to if I had never experienced it for myself. I’ve learned how to listen to the things people don't say because there was a time when all I wanted was for someone to listen to my silence.
