Usually, people write open letters and articles about how their anxiety has destroyed their life. It ruined their relationships, created trust issues between them and others, and brought them down so low in life that they also developed depression. Anxiety is tricky like that, because it leads to sleepless nights and the inability to function as a normal human being.
I hated my anxiety. I thought it made me weak, it made me defective, it made me miserable and put a lot of strain on my relationships. I was sick to my stomach with worry about the past, the future, and everything in between. It was a curse on my somewhat-normal life I used to have, and I would’ve done anything to make it go away.
I tried meditation. I tried therapy. I tried yoga. I tried biofeedback. I tried exercise. I tried everything that didn’t come in the form of a capsule or a tablet that was prescription. It didn’t matter what I tried, because there was no quick fix to stop the anxiety from coming back into my life. I’d be fine for ten minutes, but then it’d strike back and I’d be back to the drawing board.
Over time, I learned to cope and developed my own ways to handle anxiety and my body’s responses to triggers. Over time, I took my anxiety from a high level ten to a low level one. I’m not going to say it was easy, because I still remember all the days I couldn’t get up to go to school because I was having panic attacks, but it happened and I couldn’t ignore it or pretend it didn’t. By pretending you don’t have these problems, it makes it even harder to fix.
Everyone has a different journey when it comes to things like mental disorders, and everyone needs to handle it the way they feel is best for them. Anxiety doesn’t have a quick fix or a permanent one at that — it’s something you have to work on, and as you grow as a person, you gain different perceptions on what your anxiety really is.
It’s important to learn early what your triggers are, that way you know how to avoid them and the people surrounding you can try to be respectful of those triggers as well. Some people have a laundry list of triggers, I had about five of them. It varies from person to person, the same way treatment does. Some people learn to rid themselves of anxiety/control their anxiety through meditation, some people don’t.
Although I’ve had countless nights of my anxiety making me sick to my stomach, adding doubt to everything I thought I knew as fact and running my brain ragged in the process, my anxiety helped me in situations I never would’ve thought of. It helped me become extremely aware of my surroundings, and to be wary of the people that come close to me. It helped me realize not everyone has the same intention as you do, and for that, you should be cautious. It made me doubt myself and my own work, but it’s also opened my eye to the harsh reality of how the world works. It made me over-analyze every little detail in the relationships I was partaking in, but it made me examine them so thoroughly that I was able to identify situations where I wasn't being treated the way someone should properly be treated. It raised red flags I wouldn't of even thought to pay attention to if my anxiety wasn't constantly making me overthink everything. It made me become an expert at reading people, gauging how they felt about a situation and I learned what their reactions would be depending on different emotions the person was feeling. Anxiety doesn't have to destroy you, but it will open your eyes to a world you've never noticed.
If you feel like you’re losing yourself to your anxiety, it’s time to be proactive about it. It’s dangerous to leave things like that untreated in any way you choose treatment. I never took medication to control my anxiety, so I’m not pushing you to go get a prescription. Treatment is vital to being able to control your anxiety, and grow as a person.
Please don’t feel alone on your journey with anxiety. According to the Anxiety Centre, anxiety disorders affect about 18 percent of Americans. And somehow, the place I feel like others understand my anxiety the best, is at Merrimack College. You can always find someone who understands, someone who’s willing to help. However, you have to be open to getting that help. Hamel Health has counselors on call, always ready to speak to you. If you think it’s time for you to get help, do it sooner rather than later.
