Living with depression and anxiety means that there are moments where I don't know what I'm feeling.

Moments where my family, friends, or S.O. want to help me.

And they ask me:

"What do you need?"

or

"What can I do?"

or

"Can I get you anything?"

And rarely do I have a response better than "I don't know."

It's frustrating, not knowing what you need, or being too tired or afraid to be able to articulate what you think might help.

And, considering these situations usually arise after I've already used most of my energy at the moment to answer the question of "How are you?" or "What's wrong?" it can sometimes feel like more of an obstacle than much needed and appreciated help.

Don't get me wrong, I know the thought behind asking these questions is always in the right place. Always.

But when I'm in the middle of a low moment and overall pretty unresponsive, already feeling guilty or embarrassed for my current state, the responsibility to try and helpfully articulate my thoughts is sometimes too much to handle.

I know it sounds like a lot- because it is- but sometimes the most helpful thing you can do for me, instead of asking me what you can do, is just doing what you feel is right.

Are you wondering if I need to eat or drink something?

Get me a glass of water. I will drink it.

Am I coming in or out of a panic attack?

Sit with me or hold me. Find something quiet and calm to do together.

I say this because I think, in these moments, its harmful for the person who wants to help to feel like they are incapable of doing anything, and its harmful for me to try and not feel even more guilty for feeling like this in the first place. It's difficult to just allow people to take care of me, to fight the initial thought I have of feeling childish and stupid in these moments.

But directly under than feeling of childishness is one of trust and hurt. I trust you to help me, but I'm hurting too much right now to be able to help you help me.

So, consider this permission to just help me. I promise I will thank you later.