So you meet this person and they are everything you were looking for funny, smart, cute and just almost perfect. Then they tell you they're not looking for anything serious right now, so what now? Well, that's when you a) drop them or b) become friends with benefits.
Ahh FWB it's the next best thing to a serious committed relationship, or is it?
Here is the real truth about friends with benefits.
Disclaimer: Friends with benefits have the good, the bad and the ugly. Here's the bad.
Okay its safe to say you both said you would not catch feelings for one another throughout this entire arrangement, but it happens. These benefits are very intimate and you're probably going to have a lot of pillow talk you wanted to avoid but hey we're only human. You may get too tired to drive home so you end up staying the night and talking about life. As humans we want to love, we crave affection and we want to be wanted. The more and more times you are intimate with this person it's going to be hard for you not to feel something for them. Which goes against the entire idea of FWB.
The invisible rules. Some FWB is clear and cut while others are not. Your FWB may be hooking up with other people or going on dates. So, of course, you might get jealous. Granted you both are technically single but even still you can't help but feel well, used. Are you just a sexual object or are you a person who means something to them? Do you continue to swipe right on Tinder or just wait for this person to text 'come over'? Do you guys hold hands? Can you cuddle? Not to mention if they are still hooking up with random people does that make you safe? It may very well hurt your self-esteem and the way you see relationships in the future.
Confusion. Not only is FWB confusing to your family and friends but also to yourself. Yes, some people keep this arrangement private, but sometimes it can get out. I mean everyone is going to realize who you are with every other night eventually. Not to mention guys and girls talk, a lot. Be prepared to hear "what are you guys?" every single time. Then there's always going to be that voice in your head that says "I wonder if we're ever going to actually date?" "When should we stop ?" "Am I breaking a boundary if I do this or that?" You might just drive yourself crazy and become distracted trying to figure out this arrangement.
The harsh truth about friends with benefits is that it encourages more and more people to be content with not having committed relationship but rather it encourages hooking up to be more acceptable which in the end can cause many to pass up a perfectly good relationship. Don't get me wrong hooking up with someone you know can be fun. Yet most people will tell you their FWB was either good or just a waste of time.
Very rarely do people end up with their FWB and it can cause a painful heartbreak. This heartbreak can be hard to come back from. You can't get mad at your FWB if they hook up with someone else because you probably never established the boundaries and there is no commitment in this arrangement. As more and more people get involved with these arrangments the longer it is taking to establish a monogamous relationship, which in the end is shifting the way we begin to date.
You agree to this relationship from the start so how much do you expect this person to change their view on you and this arrangement?