Growing up with someone who has an addiction whether it be drugs, alcohol, or in some cases both, can be hard. You're constantly asking yourself what you did to make that person that way or how you can help fix their problem. You get angry and upset. You've felt disappointed and hopeless. Growing up with an addict is not easy, but you must remember this: it is NOT your fault. You did not make them the way they are. You are not to blame for their problems and mistakes. It's hard watching someone you love be taken over by an addiction, it's even harder when you blame yourself.
The older I've gotten the more I've grown in my faith. I've been to a church where the preacher says, "come to the altar with your troubles." Time after time I would go to the altar with this burden. The burden of addiction. It took longer than necessary for me to realize that it was not my burden to bare. This was not my addiction. I didn't need to be at the altar, the addict did. I can ask God a thousand times to heal an addiction, the only problem is that it's not my addiction.
So many times I've felt that God had failed me. It didn't really sink in that God wasn't fixing my problem, not because I wasn't asking (trust me, I was) but it was because I didn't have the problem to fix. You can pray for someone as much as you would like. You can pray for an addict as much as your heart desires, but you have to remind yourself that although you're trying your absolute hardest, it doesn't mean the addict is. You can be at the altar every Sunday for this person but it means nothing until they are the one at the altar and they are the one praying. You can pray, you should pray. But do not hold yourself accountable for their addiction.
Growing up with an addict is heartbreaking. You spend your life wondering "what if," and "why?" But I tell you once again,this is not your fault. You did everything you could. It's not you, it's them. So the next time your loved one picks up their addiction after promising they are done, remember that who they are is not because of you. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. You are smart. You are kind. You are worthy of love. You are so much more than how their addiction makes you feel.
Never let someone under the influence affect how you see yourself. Never let someone under the influence blame you for who they are. Never let someone under the influence make you feel like you have the problem. You are strong. You are faithful. You will not be shaken. Remember this. Remember this when you've prayed the thousandth time for their addiction to leave. Remember this when you've asked God over and over again why. Remember this when you start to blame yourself. Never forget that who they are is not your fault. I wish I would have been told these things as I grew up.
So for the ones still learning, still struggling, still blaming themselves; you are not to blame. You are not the reason. You are perfect. I am sorry if someone in your life has neglected to tell you that. You deserve the best and I am sorry if an addiction has taken that away from you.
