The Brave New World America Will Be Ten Years After The Green New Deal Is Enacted

The Brave New World America Will Be Ten Years After The Green New Deal Is Enacted

Once The Green New Deal is law, America will become the wonderful haven we always dreamed it would be. (Satire)


The fresh new face of Congress, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, or as some like to call her AOC, recently released her Green New Deal. This deal promises "guaranteed jobs with a family-sustaining wage," "high-quality health-care," "affordable, safe and adequate housing," "healthy and affordable food," and "high-quality education." This is not just for some people, it's for "all people of the United States."

The bill also includes cutting all carbon emissions, "upgrading all existing buildings," economic security for all "unable or unwilling to work," and investment in zero-emission transportation and "high-speed rail."

Many have criticized this proposal as unrealistic and too expensive. Even Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was reluctant to support this bill. In an interview with Politico, she dismissively said, "It will be one of several or maybe many suggestions that we receive. The green dream, or whatever they call it, nobody knows what it is, but they're for it, right?"

Many are very skeptical of AOC's Green New Deal. A popular counter-question about the deal is "How is it going to be paid for?" This question is obviously just a way to distract from the magnificence of the bill. It will be paid for by how we pay for everything else. We pay for social security, Medicaid, and welfare now, don't we? Also, we can just print more money and maybe we'll finally figure out how to turn silver into gold.

I think Nancy Pelosi and the Republicans are wrong about their reluctance and opposition to the Green New Deal. It is going to pass in Congress and Trump will have to sign it because the Democrats will say he doesn't have the guts to. In order to prove them wrong and totally own them, he will sign the bill. So, it will be a bipartisan win for both sides.

Once the glorious Green New Deal is enacted, this is what my life, and what everyone else's life, will be like in ten years.

The year is 2029, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is president and she is about to go up for reelection for a third term. After vigorous debate, the legal age to be president was brought down from 35 to 25 years old in order to cut down carbon emissions. This is just one of the many changes the deal brought.

It is morning, and I am getting ready for the green new day. I step out on to the balcony of my luxurious Beverly Hills mansion, sipping my eco-friendly iced vanilla latte. After waving to my neighbor Meryl Streep, I skip back inside and eat my affordable and pollutant-free agricultural breakfast.

I turn on my solar-powered TV to the first news channel I find. Fox News's chyron reads, "We were wrong about AOC. Also, we were wrong about AOC." I flip to the next channel. It's CNN reporting yesterday's white house press brief. The reporters gather around AOC's press secretary, Donald Trump, hurling questions at him from every direction.

"Trump, how are you feeling today?" "Did you ever shake that fever?" "Can you turn the air down? It's getting rather warm?" "Hey, remember when you used to be president?"

I switch to MSNBC. "Poverty and crime rates are at zero percent," Sean Hannity enthusiastically reports, "In other news, our ten-year peace with North Korea continues to remain stable."

I shut the TV off and head out to my guaranteed job of surveying the surveyor of renewable energy of California. It isn't just me living this luxury; it's everyone. Since the federal minimum wage is 15 Million dollars an hour, all people of the United States can live rich. Our taxes, bonds, and deficit spending have really paid off.

I hop onto my solar-powered bicycle with a built-in espresso machine. I have a long 2 hours surveying ahead of me. I look up into the sky. The Ozone Layer is so thick now it started playing the BBC's Planet Earth.

After I'm done with work, I decided to visit my family in the winter wonderland known as Florida. I can hardly remember the days when Florida was a sweltering, fiery glimpse of hell. But now that all carbon is gone, it's at its true potential.

I board the solar-powered highspeed rail. The one I am on now is also equipped with renewable and sustainable solar-powered solar panels, so it goes faster than the average trains. When I arrive in Florida, I meet them at the panhandle glacier and watch the polar bears go by.

Once I'm done visiting, I ride back to my Beverly Hills mansion and go to sleep in my solar-powered bed. It's been a great day mobilizing the mobilization of the future.

If the Green New Deal passes, it will be a step forward for America. Or it won't pass, and we'll all go on like nothing happened because "Hey, look! A new tweet!"

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Irish-American History Is Just As Important As Any Other Culture, You Can't Prove Me Wrong

I cherish being Irish and I will not let anyone let me feel bad for that.


Depending on when you're reading this, Saint Patrick's day has either just passed or is around the corner. For me, Saint Patrick's day is tomorrow. I've been debating this article for some time now because I didn't know how it would be perceived. At this point, though, I feel it's important for me to get out. No, Irish people were never kept as slaves in America, and I will never be one to try and say they were. However, Irish people were treated tremendously awful in America. A lot of people tend to forget, or just try to erase entirely, the history of the Irish in America. So much so that I felt shameful for wanting to celebrate my heritage. Therefore, I want to bring to light the history that everyone brushes under the rug.

In 1845, a potato famine broke out across Ireland. This was a big deal because the Irish lived off, mainly, potatoes. They were cheap, easy to grow, and had tons of nutrients. So when the famine struck, many people either died of starvation or fled to America in seek of refuge. When the Irish arrived in America they were seen as a threat to the decency of America. People viewed them as drunk beasts, sinful savages, barbaric, violent, belligerent, stupid, and white apes. When the Irish would go to look for jobs, many times they found signs that read "Irish Need Not Apply," even when the job was hiring. Therefore, the Irish did the jobs no one wanted, and even jobs African slaves wouldn't do. The biggest example of this is when Irishmen built canals and drained swamps. They were sent to do these things because of the enormous amount of mosquitoes; in the swamp, they would get bit and ultimately die of malaria.

Also, during this time, Irish people were poor and therefore lived in the same neighborhoods as the free African Americans. A lot of the Irish people were friendly with their neighbors of color and even got into interracial relationships. Because the Irish lived in these neighborhoods they were seen as dirty and even a lot of people at this time put African Americans higher on the totem pole than Irish. One person during the time even said, "At least the black families keep their homes clean."

The main reason American's outlook on Irish people changed was that most Irishmen took up fighting for the Union in the Civil War. I make this argument, not because I think the Irish suffered more than African slaves. I don't say this in means of trying to erase the struggles of the African slaves. I do not think that any of our ancestors should have been treated the way they were. I mean to say that the Irish did in fact suffer. Irish people were treated wrongly on the basis of...nothing. Simply because my ancestors hailed from the shores of Eire, they were treated with malice. And I write this simply because I want people to remember. I want people to understand what happened.

On Saint Patrick's Day this year, next year, and for the many years to come, I want people to embrace the Irish culture. I want the folks of Irish heritage to not be ashamed of where they come from; to not be ashamed to share their culture the way I have for many years. I want everyone to have a beer, wear some green, eat a potato or two, and dance the Irish step; to celebrate the history of Irish people with a bit more understanding than before.

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I Absolutely LOVE The Abortion Bill Oklahoma Has Passed

"Men controlling women"? Get over yourself.


"A pregnant woman seeking to abort her pregnancy shall be required to provide, in writing, the identity of the father of the fetus to the physician who is to perform or induce the abortion." The bill does include exceptions for cases of rape, incest, and when the mother's life is in danger or cases where the father of the fetus has died (and of course, there has to be proof of his death).

A woman HAS TO PROVIDE CONSENT OF THE FATHER in order to abort her pregnancy and I absolutely love this. People in my hometown and state-wide are obviously upset about this because a decent number of them are "pro-choice." They're claiming that this is just another way for "men to control women" and God forbid that gets in the way of their feminist, pro-choice agenda (and I'll address this unfathomable bullshit in a minute).

If you didn't notice already, I'm pro-life. I 100% agree with the bill, even the exceptions. I may be a pro-life Republican, but I'm also a decent human being. I'm sure pro-choice Democrats are either laughing or disgusted thus far, but let me tell you something.

There are other answers compared to killing something that you, or any other woman helped to create. One specifically is adoption. Before you make the cliche argument "Why would I place a child in such a terrible system when I could spare them the agony of a potentially terrible life?" (OR ANYTHING ALONG THOSE LINES), let me shed light on this.

Think of all the couples that desperately want children but have zero ability to have their own. Think about the families that would do anything to raise a child. While you, or any woman, is/are pregnant, there are plenty of adoption agencies that you can visit. You can look through hundreds-of-thousands of files, searching for an amazing family that you like. From there, you can sit through interviews and meet these families that are so. eager. to have a baby. If anything, think of how saddened and desperate Chandler and Monica were when they found out they couldn't have a baby. Instead of ripping away and literally killing a couple's chance of having a baby, give them yours.

A 9-10 month commitment isn't that big of a deal when you think in terms of granting happiness to someone for a LIFETIME. And considering that it's a felony homicide in Oklahoma now.

When you get an abortion, outside of the exceptions listed above, you're selfish. You're only thinking about yourself and the fact that you don't want to be a mom (and perhaps not financially stable--but we shall revisit the adoption topic). Well guess what? Someone is. Give them that chance. And if you're thinking I'm a hypocrite and wouldn't follow through with adopting a baby like I'm preaching right now, you're wrong. I would 100% adopt.

As for "men controlling women," get over yourself. Feminists rant about gender equality all the time and guess what? Think of how many women kept their babies even though their boyfriends, baby daddies, and maybe even fiances and husbands didn't want one. This is the same thing, but a gender reverse. I can think of many guys that wanted to be dads, but their girlfriends decided otherwise with no remorse for their feelings. If the father wants to keep the baby and be a dad, he deserves to fight for it.

It takes two to make a baby. The fathers of these unborn rays of sunshine deserve rights and, in Oklahoma, they just got it. You ladies want gender equality? You just got it. Quit the double standards. Quit your bitching.

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