I came straight from Small Town, USA into what seemed to be a giant metropolis capital of sorts. (It isn’t nearly as grand and gigantic as I see it as. But in comparison, I promise you, it feels like it. We have a Target AND a Walmart AND an H-E-B.) I came from knowing everyone in the grocery store to not even knowing what was in the grocery store, let alone the other shoppers inside. Where I’m from, the expectation is to stay. Or at least to come back after you leave. It took me awhile to see this as a compliment, and I still struggle with seeing it as such sometimes. This expectation seems to be so prevalent, it feels as if the whole town is betting on your failure. That you can’t handle the pressure, that you can’t pass the classes, that you just couldn’t stand being away from this small little bubble they’ve built and you just had to crawl back inside. (Even though this sounds rather terrible, they mean well, they really do.)

I don’t want to crawl back. I want to make it and be successful and explore the world and burst the bubble. With these high expectations, it’s easy to see life as a downward spiral if you make one small mistake. If I make a B in this class I lose my scholarship and if I lose my scholarship then I can’t go to college and if I can’t go to college then I can’t get a job and if I can’t get a job I’ll never be able to support myself and if I can’t support myself I’ll never find a husband and if I don’t find a husband I’ll never have kids and if I never have kids then I’ll have too many cats and then if I have too many cats I’ll be known as the weird cat lady and if I’m known as the weird cat lady then kids will walk by my house and point and laugh that is if I even have a house after all I never could get a job or support myself so because I got a B I’m going to diealoneandhaveabunchofcatdieasesandbeunhappy. My expectation is just as great as theirs; they expect such a massive regression and I expect such a massive progression.

So, maybe my destiny is mediocracy. All of these expectations will average out and I’ll just be stuck in the middle forever. (Side note: can we talk about how horrible the middle is? Middle seat, middle man, middle finger. What a terrible place to reside.)

So, needless to say, the pressure is real. Because wow, I feel so strongly that the worst possible thing in this world would be SETTLING! I want to be great and be remembered and be me!!

So, my plan is to do just that. And I don’t think I’m alone in this whole “goal to be great” mentality. I do think I’m alone, or at least the minority, in wanting to adopt this motto forever. I don’t want to stop. I’m not in this race to do the sprint. I want to put forth my best and my most in my everything and in my friends and family’s everything and in the people who don’t have a lot of things in their everything and need anything from anyone.

So, here’s to caffeine and prayer and telling mediocracy to go to hell. Because whether or not you live in a town that you can blink and miss, or you live in the biggest city in the world, we should all hold the expectation to ourselves to be great. And to love others. And to give to those who don’t have anything to give.