One of the things I hear among my friends and family when they are going through truly rough times is, “Well, at least it’s not as bad as some other people.” Objectively this is true. Someone always has it worse than another individual. I believe that this mode of thinking stems from the concept that one always has to be grateful to their conditioned environment, which normalizes that one must be satisfied and thank God or the ruling order that you don’t have it as bad as someone else in the world.
However, I believe that this way of thinking trivializes valid feelings and traumas that affect us in very real ways because we think they aren’t as horrible as we think they are. This way of thinking does not allow there to be any progressive steps taken toward a better and healthier goal for an overall happier individual. This can hinder someone from seeking help by way of counseling, therapy or consulting because they view their situation as minimal and something they can get over by themselves.
This includes those who suffer from severe trauma who already blame themselves for the traumatic event or situation. Thinking that others are worse off than you does not prove that you shouldn’t seek help, nor does it mean that your feelings are minimal. Many individuals who were psychologically, physically and sexually tortured for years still say this after years of treatment because of the shame and guilt that comes from trauma. Minimizing the severity of abuse, which makes one believe that they are not worthy of care, is one of the typical side effects that come with trauma.
It shouldn’t matter if someone else has it worse than you or not. If you hurt, you hurt. And that shouldn’t discourage anyone from seeking help or believing that they are unworthy of love, care and detailed attention to their valid feelings. Accepting that you should be grateful that you don’t have it as bad as the person who is suffering most in the world is not a productive way to deal with any issue. It is important to keep this in mind when dealing with serious feelings that may hinder your day to day life.
