10 Things You Learn From Going Back To A Toxic Relationship

10 Things You Learn From Going Back To A Toxic Relationship

Change doesn't just magically happen overnight.

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Trust me, I know the feeling when you start talking to an ex-significant other again and it *feels* like the magic is still there. So you give it another try and you realize that absolutely nothing has changed and you need to get out as fast as possible.

1. Actions speak louder than words.

Someone can say the right things all that they want, but at the end of the day it's how they treat you and what they do to show you they mean their words that matters. I know how hard it is to look past what they text you, but all in all you need to remember that if they truly cared they would treat you better.

2. Maybe not everyone deserves a second chance.

Sure, some people are capable of change. However, unfortunately, many people are going to tell you what you want to hear and then they won't make the changes. Be careful when deciding who to let back in your life and who to stay away from; some people are truly incapable of changing.

3. If they were going to treat you right, they would have done so the first time.

As hard as it is to hear this, it's true. Someone is going to treat you right from the start if they want to be with you. They'll show you that they want to be with you, and they would try their hardest not to lose you.

4. If you have to repeatedly ask for someone to make time for you, they're not the one.

If someone wants to see you then they're going to make time for you. End of story. If you have to ask someone over and over what they're doing and if they have time for you, then they are not good for you at all. This goes back to the fact that actions speak louder than words. Someone can tell you how much they want to see you, but if they don't end up seeing you it doesn't really mean anything.

5. The actions that ruined the relationship in the first place are still going to be there.

As much as you can say that you're starting with a clean slate, the past is always going to be there in the back of your mind. If they cheated on you in the past, you're always going to worry that they're cheating on you again. It's unavoidable.

6. You'll fall back into old habits quickly.

Although the first few days or even weeks may feel great, it's the 'honeymoon' phase. You're getting used to each other again and trying extra hard to make the other person happy. However, one small slip up and you're in an argument. One argument turns into a week long fight which leaves both people unhappy.

7. It's going to be twice as hard to walk away.

Of course you walked away the first time and you instantly felt better, but somehow you let this person back into your life again. This time, you wanted it to work twice as much as you did the first time because you've already felt the pain of the loss once before. So in turn, it's going to be even harder to walk away this time.

8. Your friends are going to question your decisions.

Your friends were there for you the first time and they're still here for you now, so they watched you suffer through the breakup the first time and now they're wondering what in the world you were thinking. Although they'll support you, you'll know that they don't agree with you going back to a toxic relationship because no one wants their friends to be in an unhappy situation.

9. There's a lot that's happened that you don't know about.

No matter how much time has passed, you've missed a portion of each other's lives. You're going to be missing pieces of their life which won't make you feel too great. Some stuff will remain a secret and other stuff you won't like. At the end of the day, it's still a toxic situation.

10. It wasn't worth it.

A toxic relationship is always going to be a toxic relationship. The flaws and problems are always going to be there whether they're present or in the back of your mind. It's the unfortunate truth, but it's just a bunch of heartbreak for nothing.

Focus on building healthy relationships with new people. It's unlikely that a former toxic relationship is going to be able to make such a drastic change into a healthy relationship. It's too much of a strain on your emotions to put yourself through that for a second or maybe even a third time. It's time to move on and be happy.

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To My Future Husband, There's Something I Need You To Know

We all dream of finding the one.

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My love, it's crazy to think that when we are reading this we will be married, two souls together at last! When I am writing this know I have no idea who you are even though I think and dream about you all the time. I am daydreaming as an almost 18-year-old about what love will feel like. More like what our love will be like.

Writing this now I wonder how we met, if we even liked each other at first, what you look like, and what you are like. It's crazy that when we read this together when we are married when I am your wife, these questions will be answered and sweet, potentially funny stories we will look back on. Perhaps you will be my first kiss or the first kiss that matters.

My love, I know you have the biggest heart and a heart full of gold that makes the world a brighter and happier place. I hope to be as kind as you are. You will be so kind, I wonder how I will ever be as great as you, but even when I have my doubts you will reassure me that I am as kind as you.

I know you will comfort me when I am anxious, depressed, or sad. When I'm angry you won't get mad, but cuddle me so tight and talk whatever problem we have calmly and maturely. You will bring me back to reality even if I can't get back as fast. When you get upset I will be there as your rock, and comfort you, or give you your space if you don't feel like talking. Even if you are mad, I will be there to comfort you and make you feel better.

During the worst times I know we will be a great team and even if we don't have many things, the one thing we will have is our love and each other, which is richer than all the goods.

I know our love won't be the perfect fairytale, but it will be our love story. We will travel the world and have so many adventures. We will spoil each other and make one another feel so special. Even if our adventures mean getting lost, that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. We will have our own traditions like being especially intimate on Fridays or going on a picnic. They will be sweet and really cute. I will know your drink, ice cream, and other orders. You will know I don't like caffeinated beverages even though I wish I did and that I love milk and cookies from Ben and Jerry's.

So my love, as I am writing this at 1:41 in the morning know I love you madly, even when I'm angry and hormonal. I pray for my bashert, that hopefully, G-d will bring you into my life soon. I hope you enjoyed this letter and know that these words came from my soul.

Love, Sarah (insert married last name here)

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I’m The Kind Of Person Who Is Happiest When I'm In A Relationship, There Is Nothing Wrong With That

Please stop acting like there is.

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There seems to be this odd notion that it's not alright to be the kind of person that prefers being in a relationship to being single. Usually, when I mention to people that I tend to be the happiest when I'm in a relationship, I get met with, "Well. you aren't ready for one yet until you are happiest by yourself" or "That isn't good, you'll always be dependent on someone for happiness then" or even, "Well, if you can't make yourself happy, then you can't make anyone else happy either."

Allow me to clarify a few things here.

First of all, just because I am happiest when I am in a relationship does not mean that I am not happy when I am not in one. I am still capable of being happy outside of a relationship, and I am capable of making myself happy. Generally, on a day to day basis, I'm pretty happy.

The thing is, I'm just in love with love. Even just knowing that there is someone out there that cares so deeply about you that they want to spend a part of their life with you is incredible. To me, there's just no better feeling in the world than having someone that you can share your life with. Sure, coming home from work, making myself my favorite meal and watching some Netflix in bed by myself afterward would be a great way to end a day and would make me happy.

It would make me immeasurably happier, however, to come home from work around the same time as the girl I'm dating does, share stories of how our respective days went while cooking a meal together, and ending the night cuddling in bed watching Netflix together until we fall asleep. Nearly anything I can do by myself that will make me happy can be enhanced by having someone I love with me to share it with.

To counter another point, I am not, nor will I ever be, dependent on someone else to be happy.

As I've mentioned, I'm completely capable of being happy by myself; I'm simply happier when I'm in a relationship. I also tend to be happier than I am normally when I am listening to music and writing. Nobody would ever say that I'm dependent on listening to music and writing or that I shouldn't write a single letter or listen to a single note again until I learn to be even happier without them than I am with them.

I get that some people just like being single and think it's enjoyable. They don't like being tied down or committed to any one person. They like being able to go out and do whatever they want without having to think about anyone at home worrying about them. They don't want to put in the work of having to worry about someone else. I'm not that kind of person. I'll never be that kind of person.

I love being tied down and fully committed to one person, knowing that they are committed to me, as well.

I love having someone that I know cares and worries about me, and that knows I care and worry about them, too. I simply adore being in a relationship, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

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