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God Takes Tim Tebow For Number 1 Draft Pick in Fantasy Football

Aug 30, 2015

University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

God Takes Tim Tebow For Number 1 Draft Pick in Fantasy Football

"Tim Tebow Tebowing" by Ed Clemente Photography / Wiki Commons

With the upcoming NFL season approaching, God has shocked the fantasy football world by taking Tim Tebow with the number 1 draft pick.

Tebow, who has often been ridiculed for his very outspoken faith and for his throws being less of a spiral and more like a kamikaze duck, says that he is honored to play for his idol, and is determined to prove to God that he is in fact, left handed.

In what could be the greatest Father-son NFL duo since the Manning brothers and their dad did that one commercial to show that their helmets can indeed fit over their massive foreheads, God is confident that His number one pick will take Him to the promise land.

“I have all the confidence in the world in Timothy,” said God as He worked on his upcoming novel, The Book of Tebow. “Sure, I might have given him a faulty left arm when he was in the factory, but god damn me if he doesn’t have the most heart you’ve ever seen.”

However, with Tebow sitting fourth in the depth chart behind quarterbacks Sam Bradford, Mark “the butt fumble” Sanchez, Matt Barkley and an actual live eagle, Tebow will struggle to get playing time, let alone make the roster.

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry too much about that,” said God, while calling Zeus to ask him to take care of a few things for Him.

God’s fantasy team, the Charles Darwinners, will take on Gandhi’s team, Too Sexy for My Shirt, in week 1 of the season. See league members and their teams below.

God: Charles Darwinners

Gandhi: Too Sexy for My Shirt

Satan: OJ is my boy

Abraham Lincoln: 4 Score and 7 beers ago

JFK: #f*ckdallas

Michael Jackson: Macaulay Culkin Fan Club

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Don't waste your time trying to write that paper when there are so many more interesting things you could be doing.

1. Meditate

2. Groom yourself

3. Eat lots of chocolate

4. Go for a walk

5. Netflix and chill

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2. It feels like you guys can communicate telepathically at times with just a look.

3. Fights last for about two minutes because you find something funny and have to show them.

4. Concerts in your car are a regular thing.

5. You have an innumerable amount of inside jokes that are always funny.

6. When she gets clothes it's like you're getting new clothes too.

7. She's seen you at your worst and doesn't judge you…but has taken pictures to remind you.

8. She always knows just what to say to cheer you up…or what food (or drink) to make you if words aren't working.

9. She's the first person to jump to your defense.

10. You have a permanent best friend.

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