A girls night out doesn't start when we leave the apartment, it starts hours before, because getting ready to go out is just as big a deal as actually going out.
It is a complete transformation.
It somehow starts with eating and bathing.
...Sometimes simultaneously.
Makeup happens somewhere towards the end, only after having pre-gamed with a couple drinks and hopefully remembering to brush your teeth.
Lots, and lots of makeup.
All the makeup.
And there are so many outfit changes.
All of which are strewn out of your closet and around your room, leaving a nice mess to clean up the next day.
But even more perfume.
Confidently two drinks in...
Because it has been two hours and you really need to get them out the door. Otherwise the most excitement they'll have that Friday night is the pizza being delivered since you never made it out and stayed in and watched Netflix.
Finally it's time to leave.
And your squad couldn't be any more on point.
You get to wherever it is your squad has decided to go out, be it a club or a party. As the sober friend, you grab a water or a soda and hover, closely watching your friends, like a mother hen over her chicks. You've come to terms with the fact that this night can either unfold into a dream or a nightmare and you are fully prepared to deal with whatever is thrown your way.
You watch. You wait.
After another drink or two your friends are now mesmerized by every little thing.
At least one of them is dancing.
Not well I might add.
One of them has spotted a cute guy.
And has fallen head over heels because he told her that her that she looked pretty.
Of course you disapprove.
But she seems happy as she ecstatically tells you.
One of them has had a long day starts giving you this look.
And you know as soon as they find someplace to sit that will be the high point of their evening.
So far everything is going well, but you don't let your guard down because you know that trouble lurks everywhere and everything could go wrong in a second.
Because the girl that finally learned the meaning of body language is now trying to do a handstand.
Could be a headstand, could be her attempt at break dancing, you aren't really sure.
What you are sure of is everyone can see her underwear, or lack thereof, and her audience has seen enough.
Meanwhile, the cute boy your other friend was fawning over, is flirting with another girl.
So she has found her way to a bathroom to sob, probably more over the fact that her ex has a new girlfriend, but we don't bring that up.
Sleepy has some new found energy.
And seems to have found herself talking to some creepy older gentleman you can only assume will lead to more trouble than he's worth.
You make the executive decision that it is time to round everyone up and make your way home.
But no one wants to leave.
Thankfully due to the fact that the only thing they put in their stomach was day old, cold pizza and alcohol in the past five hours you can at least convince them to leave to go get food.
Food wins the day, always.
On your way to find food (but secretly taking them back home) there is more honest conversation about almost everything than your group has had all week.
The one that burned all those calories breakdancing has her heart set on food.
The other one just can't seem to catch a break with guys. At which point all you can say is...
But the only thing that will really help is a topic change
Meanwhile, we find out that sleepy decided to drink a five-hour energy before we left, and is bouncing off the walls.
At which point you realize you will be getting little to no sleep.
After stopping for fast food, that you know you will regret in the morning, you finally arrive home.
It has been a long night but the battle isn't over yet.
You know everyone is going to feel tonight tomorrow morning.
So you have to make sure everyone is going to be able to get a good nights sleep
But, just before you yourself make it into your own bed.
And hope you get a full ten hours before having to get up and do it all over again Saturday.
