There is a lot of pressure in today's world not to be the person you want to be, but to be the person society wants you to be. With that pressure, of course, comes consequences. Girls begin to hate themselves if they aren't up to somebody's standards. Suicide rates are climbing and memes making jokes about depression and anxiety have become a regular sight on social media sites like Facebook and Tumblr. Women's confidence is constantly declining, despite celebrity efforts to "love yourself" — even though they still look fabulous because of all of that editing and their rich lifestyle . . . of course they love themselves! and with a decline in confidence comes one thing - blame.
Take it from somebody who suffers from this, it is absolutely miserable to blame yourself for every little thing that goes wrong in life. When my relationship wasn't working, I refused to accept that the guy I was dating had flaws and contributed to our failure of a relationship just as much as I did. I was desperate and I begged for him, consistently apologizing and promising to change. I blamed myself for our relationship ending. Then one day, I stopped. I not only stood up to him and called out his wrongdoings, but I stood up for myself. I was living a lie and making myself feel like the worst person in the world because a relationship that I really wanted wasn't working at that particular moment. Relationships weren't the only thing I blamed myself for either. Didn't know the answer in class? It's my fault because I didn't read closely enough. Group member didn't pull his weight? It's my fault because I should be more of a leader. An Angry customer at work? It's my fault because I didn't understand. I told myself over and over that I wasn't good at things like relationships, working cooperatively, and even my job that I've worked at for five years. I blamed myself for everything that went wrong in my life.
I realized one thing when I stopped blaming myself for everything - it feels good. It feels good to make a mistake and learn from it. Do I forgive myself right away? Absolutely not. That's something I'm still working on, but after a week or two, I've forgiven myself and forgotten about it. It feels good to wake up in the morning and not worry about what I texted my friends the night before and if it sounded stupid or not. I stood a little taller, smiled a little bigger, and in general just felt a lot better. The weight I was carrying on my shoulders had been lifted and I was happy. All because I accepted the fact that things will go wrong in life, and it's not always going to be my fault.
If you're somebody like me and you find yourself constantly talking negatively about yourself and putting the blame on yourself for the smallest things, take one day and try to let go. Write down everything you have blamed yourself for and decide if it's really your fault that it went wrong. And when you narrow the list down to things that actually were your fault, forgive yourself. It's not easy and you can't break habits in a day so expect a long road ahead, but I promise you'll thank me later. Life happens and most of the time, it's really not your fault.
