Let’s not beat around the bush: Cancer really freaking sucks. I feel like everywhere you turn, there is someone, either that you know or know through someone else, who is affected by the horrible disease. Most of us probably wish we could grab it by the neck and suffocate it in hopes that it’ll stop killing so many.
Earlier this year, my guy best friend was diagnosed with Stage 4 Glioblastoma, AKA brain cancer. For the past few months, he traveled with his dad (who also is courageously battling cancer) every single morning into Boston to receive radiation treatment. In addition to the daily process of radiation, he had to take extreme doses of Chemo pills at home. Before all of this even began, he went through a long and intense brain surgery to remove his tumor, in addition to a brain bleed. The scary thing? If the tumor hadn’t been removed, he would have been gone by June.
He and I have this weird connection that I knew would provide us with the foundation of a great friendship. While he goes to school in another state, I am always excited to see him whenever I can. The first time I saw him after some of his treatments and after finding out about his diagnosis went just about as bad as I thought it would. He had lost some of his hair, had a large scar from his surgery and had gained some weight. I spent the whole car ride crying and holding his hand and repeating the words “I love you.” Part of me felt bad that I was crying. Like, Meg, cut it out, he’s the one with cancer. My grandmother lost her battle with brain cancer when I was just a baby, and while I really didn’t know her enough to feel affected by it, her death still left a valuable impression on me.
But, I know Matt. Matt is fun. Matt is tall, and Matt is smart. Matt makes me laugh, and Matt lets me call him and sob about what new area of stupidity has entered my life. I love Matt. So, how can this person I consider to be my best friend and is so important to me have advanced cancer?
Something that bothers me about him: his constant negative comments about his cancer. Things implying how long he has to live or when I make fun of him by saying “Wow! you’re sick!” (not intending any harm) and he’ll say something along the lines of “Yeah I am. Thanks for reminding me.” Whose the jerk then? Exactly, I am. Obviously, he's allowed to say whatever he wants, but it only makes me realize that I don't know how much time I have left to spend with this incredible person. It shows me that he could be gone and away from this Earth at any moment, and I'm not so sure how to prepare for something as crushing. I’ve learned to act the exact same way as I did in our friendship as before the dumb cancer and before lives were changed forever. For the most part, cancer patients don’t want to hear about their cancer or be babied about it. They just want to live their life like everyone else and have a fun time, right?
Long story short: It’s not anyone’s fault that someone you love has cancer. Some may believe it’s genetics and biology, others place the blame on God. Either way, when it comes down to it, it doesn’t really matter why it’s happening, just that it is. As annoying as I am and as much as I drive him nuts, I try to be the best friend I can be for my bud. I’ve learned not to constantly ask how he’s doing or if he’s sad, but I try to go with the flow based on his mood.
Best friend, mother, daughter, father, son, grandparent – it doesn’t matter. While it is depressing to think about the possibility of them leaving the Earth earlier than they deserve, the most important thing is to show them the love they have always paid forward to others. Cancer makes you realize how precious life is, so spend every minute trying to be the best person you can for them.
I love you, Matt. Thank you for being my person and for inspiring me to become a stronger and happier young woman.
"The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it." –C.C. Scott
