There are few things more central to my childhood than Spongebob Squarepants, that weird talking sponge who lived alone with only a snail and worked the same dead-end job for the entire show. The very same little talking sponge that could never wipe that stupid smile off his face, no matter how mundane his daily life turned out to be. But let’s be honest, "The Spongebob Squarepants Movie" remains the single greatest piece of cinematic art to ever grace the silver screen. Ever. Don’t dispute me on this. It’s perfect.

Over the years, I’ve noticed my own slow yet persistent transformation into my beloved childhood hero. I think I have turned into quite a sickeningly optimistic individual, and it drives the Squidwards in my life crazy. So if you also wish for the power to knock people over with the sheer force of your enthusiasm, look no further. Here is my four-step guide to becoming the sickenly, insufferably optimistic person you have always dreamed of becoming.

But in all seriousness, optimism and happiness play a pivotal role in your health, success, personal relationships, and peace of mind. I firmly believe in the idea of the self-fulfilling prophecy, in which your thoughts and expectations of the future directly influence the events that will unfold around you. I constantly see people around me give up on pursuits before even giving their full effort because they mentally defeat themselves before getting started. But this optimism I speak of does not entail blind faith that all will turn out right in the world; rather, this form of optimism recognizes that the future holds both the good and the bad. This outlook chooses to focus on the good rather than the bad, because some good will eventually surface from the murky abyss of the future.

But please do not misunderstand me. Just because something good is bound to happen in the future does not mean you should attack every lottery scratch-off you see with the manic fever of a rabid squirrel on a caffeine binge. I’m sharing with you a point of view that has helped me recognize and appreciate the tiny miracles life gives us every day. This optimism aims to fully soak up and amplify each of these tiny pieces of happiness we might otherwise overlook. So now that my horn has been sufficiently tooted, I present to you my four-step guide to becoming that annoyingly optimistic person you always dreamed you could be.

1. Externalize Your Happiness: One of the most powerful characteristics of emotion is its potent contagiousness. When you feel happiness and express that happiness, you elevate those around you to your level, and they will, consciously or not, reciprocate those feelings back to you and others around them. So as you go about your day, make a conscious effort to smile more. Hold the door for someone, give them a smile and a "Good morning!" and watch them return the favor to someone else.

With that small gesture, you could set off a chain reaction or, at the very least, brighten up two people's mornings. Tell your friends how much you appreciate them. And for all that is good and holy in this world, please just call your mother and tell her you love her. I mean seriously, if she squeezed you out, you can squeeze in a quick phone call once a week. But being nice to everyone around you will only go so far if you don't also treat yourself with the same kindness, which brings me to number two.

2. Treat Yo'self: I'll admit to you right now, sometimes I go overboard with this one. Just stand behind me in line at Starbucks and watch me order my $7 sugar-(almost)free venti cookies and cream frappuccino with skim milk and an extra espresso shot. You get the picture. However, despite my occasional (i.e. weekly) caffeine frenzies, I do a pretty decent job of eating as healthily as could be expected in a college cafeteria and sticking to my workout plans. As a person who has battled his weight all his life (thank you, Starbucks), I can personally tell you that strict diet plans can make one feel deprived.

So, when you finally do have a small cheat, it turns into a Starbucks order so diabolically fattening that even the whitest of white girls would not "even." As you can see, I really do need to cut back on the frappuccinos. But cream and sugar aside, there are great ways to indulge every day without going nuts. If you studied for three hours straight, allow yourself a quick trip to Chipotle with your friends before getting back to studying. Eat an Oreo or two after finishing that hard test. Watch some television with your roommate after you both finish cleaning the bathroom (yeah right). But trust me, these small indulgences can keep you sane when you are standing up to your neck in anxiety and research papers. So indulge every once in a while. You don't have to plan a huge reward. Just take some time to really slow down and savor those small sweet things in life.

My grandpa really knew how to do this. All he needed was a pack of peanut M&M's and a comfortable chair and he was the happiest, most content person in the room. So really savor the snap and crunch of breaking into a Kit-Kat bar just like in the commercials. Put down your pencil, go outside, and watch the sunset for a minute and marvel at the vibrant colors. When that stupid 16-year-old forgets the fries with your combo meal and you're about to throw a temper tantrum in the middle of a crowded Chick-Fil-A, take a moment to reflect on how lucky you are to be able to choose where your meals will come from and not have to worry about the next time you'll be able to eat. There are so many hidden joys in our everyday lives just waiting to be discovered, and that includes the hidden joys inside yourself as well. I know how corny that sounds, but bear with me.

3. Love and Respect Yourself: We've all heard the mantra, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Well. I have another one: "Have others do unto you as you would do unto yourself." Now I know that's quite a few "unto"s to handle, so take a moment to digest what I just said. Think about the people in your life and try to remember a time when they let someone take advantage of them, disrespect them, or hurt them in some way. Why would they let someone do that? I believe that maybe that person took the abuse because they didn't think they deserved anything better.

I actually went through this experience myself in my sophomore year of high school with an ex-girlfriend I was trying to reconnect with. To make a sad story short, she always made excuses as to why she couldn't text me back or meet me anywhere, but I kept pushing and trying until any hope of reconnecting with her disintegrated. Much later I realized that she really had not made any effort to salvage our relationship, platonic or otherwise, but my insecurities and low self-esteem told me I couldn't do any better than her, someone who didn't even value me enough to be honest with me. Ever since then, I don't let anybody treat me with anything less than the respect I deserve. When people in my life really don't appreciate me as a person and make no effort to change when I address my feelings with them, I stop wasting my time chasing a relationship that will only bring me grief.

So respect yourself enough to demand that respect from others. But self-respect goes so much further than just demanding respect from others. Love yourself and be proud of who you are. You are one of your greatest creations, so stand up straight, brush your hair, iron your shirt, keep your head up, and remember to smile – because the best possible thing you could be in this world is yourself.

4. Don't Worry, Be Happy: Sometimes the most difficult aspect of optimism is overcoming the negativity around us, so let's kick off number four with everyone's favorite topic: anxiety! Although I may come across as the most annoyingly bubbly person in the room, anxiety and I have quite the long and tumultuous history. I think we all remember our senior year of high school. I attended a very difficult, competitive, college-preparatory private school. The only reason I was actually able to attend this expensive school was because I earned a full scholarship. This collegiate colossus was popping out Ivy Leaguers like an academic octomom. I would sit in these insane classes next to students bound for Dartmouth, Harvard, Princeton, and Columbia. You could imagine the staggering, crushing pressure weighing down on my shoulders, and my 50-pound backpack wasn't helping either (yes, I was that guy).

My family and my guidance counselor were more supportive and loving than you could imagine, but I still felt that I would be a nobody, a loser, if I didn't get into a top university like many of my classmates. I distinctly remember sitting in architecture class when I sensed another mini-panic attack rearing to strike. But this time, rather than distract myself like usual, I put down my pencil, sat back in my chair, and closed my eyes. I took a deep diaphragmatic breath and thought to myself, "Why do I have anxiety right now? What am I worrying about? I'm scared I won't get into a good college." After identifying exactly what I was feeling and why, I reminded myself that I had put my whole being into my college applications. I had spent over 100 hours preparing for the SAT, and eventually scored a 2310. I had racked up over 300 community service hours. I had done almost everything I could do. It was out of my control now.

Anxiety can be a useful and powerful motivator sometimes, but in this case, it would do nothing to help me; it would only make me miserable. I decided that I wouldn't let anxiety over things I couldn't control in the future rob me of my happiness and serenity in the present. I have been living by this philosophy ever since, and not only has it helped me achieve a greater level of happiness and peace than anything else, but it has also enabled me to better help the people I love. No one can change yesterday or see the future, but we can all give our greatest effort today, and soak up every drop of joy from sunrise to sunset.

And, by the way, I did not wind up going to a big fancy Ivy League school, even though I did get accepted to the joint program between Columbia University and the Jewish Theological Seminary. Instead, I went to a small liberal arts college called Oglethorpe University, and I couldn't be happier.