Leading up to the start of my freshman year of college, I was constantly reminded that college was a time to change myself and have a fresh start with new people. I could change my entire personality and improve myself. I could explore a whole new direction of life and a new direction for me. No one here really knows me from high school, and I had the opportunity to restart with friendships. All I had to do was change.
Did I do that?
Yes… and also no.
I did change, yes, just not for others. I changed for myself. I didn’t change myself to become something new. I changed myself to become something better. The only person I wanted to impress was myself, so I could show myself that I am a worthier person than I consider myself to be.
I am weird. It’s taken me almost nineteen years to finally own up to it and rock it. In high school, I was fearful to be my dorky self in front of my peers, so I became a hermit and avoided people. Going into college, I was so afraid that people would judge me for my outlandish sense of humor or unique personality. I was afraid to put myself out there. I didn’t want people to see me just as the odd girl who somehow got into a sorority despite being incredibly tomboyish and awkward. I put up a wall, pretending to be a person I wasn’t. I tried to shape myself to be like others around me, caring about how they saw me and if they liked me as a person. I was unhappy because it wasn’t me.
Finally, I just said, “Screw it.” Why should I try so hard to be someone I’m not if it’s making me miserable? Why should I care what people think? I gave up trying to impress people, and I made it a goal to challenge and improve myself for my own good.
I challenged myself to do things the old Tori would be too afraid to try, such as trying out for Freshman Follies despite being a horrific singer. I branched out and met new people through organizations I would never have joined if it was high school Tori. I owned up to my passions and shared them with others. I expressed my idiotic sense of humor, particularly my love for ‘That’s what she said’ jokes, to everyone even if I was the only one who laughed at my jokes (which seems to be the case most days). I embraced my awkward presence and learned to disregard awkward situations by just making them fun.
How did I finally decide to put my foot down and change things for the better? Well, as cheesy as it sounds, I took out a journal I hadn’t used yet and named it “How to Get My Life Together 101.” I started jotting down mini goals for myself to achieve to keep a positive and competitive mindset since the only person I wanted to become better than was my old self. It was like New Year’s Resolutions, but just a little earlier. I listed academic goals, career goals, health goals, etc. I set up ideas and ways to achieve my goals. I could see all the things I wanted to gain from college life just by looking at the journal in front of me, and it gave me a better perspective on myself.
So for those of you who seem confused and lost in college, here is my advice.
1. Be cheesy, take out a journal, and write out goals for yourself.
It's okay to be cheesy. It’s a good guideline and reminder for you to stay on track.
2. Challenge yourself to do things you wouldn't normally do.
For me, this was joining Greek life, working at the Colvin Center, and writing for the Odyssey. I have met so many amazing people I wouldn't have met by being involved with these things.
3. Hang out with people who enjoy you for you.
This is a shout-out to my amazing roommate, my new close friends from Texas, my friends back home, and my family.
4. Tell your dumb jokes because you may get some laughs. You never know.
It only matters if you laugh. It’s okay.
5. Embrace awkward situations and make them fun.
Just relax and be yourself.
6. Be confident with who you are.
Share your passions. Stick to your morals. Enjoy your hobbies.
7. Change for you, not for others.
If you want to improve your health or your grades or anything, do it for you. Don’t do it to impress other people. You benefit the most from it, so only change if you really and truly want to.
8. It's okay to fail sometimes. It's called life.
I messed up big time and was failing a course so bad that I was advised to drop. I was ashamed of my mistakes and failures. Instead of giving up, I just signed up for the same course next semester with a better mindset and knowledge.
9. Love yourself for who you are today.
Take it one step at a time. You aren’t going to get any better if you are hard on yourself. It’s a slow progress to make adjustments, so it’s okay if it takes awhile to change. All that matters is that you’re trying.
College is a time of adjustment and realization. It’s a time to try new things and find out who you want to be. Just remember not to change yourself to become something new, but change yourself to become something better.
