To begin this article, I want to put this as a disclaimer: This is not a sob story about how I am battling severe depression, nor am I seeking attention. This is designed to help others who might come across this issue and aid in the healing process.

Now that I have gotten that out of the way, let's dive into this messy topic.

Anyone who actually knows me will tell you that I am a very happy person. I have never once felt the unrelenting grip of depression, but I do know many people who have. So this experience was out of no where and it took me by surprise.

I am an aspiring writer. Writing is my passion and I want to make a life out of it. There are no other options for me, for I know that in order for me to be truly happy, I must write. One thing that comes with any art is being self-conscious about your own art, whether that be painting, drawing, writing, film, etc. It has been an ongoing process that I have struggled with. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't worry that I will not be good enough, and that I will not get into the MFA programs that I am hoping to get into. But, this has never been more than a worry for me.

It wasn't until two days ago that I experienced what depression was like.

Late on Tuesday night I was reading to someone who didn't exactly know how to give feedback on someones writing. I got about one paragraph in before said person began tearing my words apart. This was someone who I barely knew, and it cut me like no other sharp object I have ever been cut by. To see something that I had put my entire being into, be torn apart, well, it tore me apart in the process.

That night I went to bed feeling smaller than an ant. I couldn't even continue on with reading, and frankly, I wanted to burn every piece of work I've ever written, including my laptop and flash drive. But, it wasn't until I woke up the next day that the depression started to sink in. I will try to describe this feeling as well as I can.

When I woke up in the morning, I felt grey. I felt like everything around me was judging me and yelling in my ear, 'You aren't good enough! You will never make anything out of yourself.' As soon as my eyes opened, I was trapped inside of my own brain where it was a battle field. Gun shots rang through my ears, except they weren't gunshots, they were self-loathing thoughts. It was so bad that I was crippled. I couldn't move, I couldn't eat, and most of all, I had no will to do anything, even breathe. There was not one cell in my body that had any motivation, or self-confidence. All I could think about was how terrible my writing was, and every word that entered my ear was translated into, 'You aren't worth it, and neither is your writing'.

I write all of this to tell you what saved me. My girlfriend and my friends. While I hadn't told any of my friends, they knew something was wrong. I discovered that the only way to combat this terrible sickness is to surround yourself by people who love you and want to see you succeed. Their words are the only ones that will translate into anything positive. It took the warmth of my girlfriend's hug, the care-free nature of my friends, and their kind words. That entire day I was surrounded by grey, and it took their color to restore my own. Now I fully understand that the feelings of inadequacy will never go away, but talking about them is infinitely better than holding it in.

If you are dealing with deep sadness, depression, and feeling so small you think even a word could crush you, don't hold it in. Call someone who knows you, someone you know who truly cares about you and your well being, and just talk about it. When you feel depressed it makes you want to be alone, stay in bed, and not talk to anyone. I can say this now from first-hand experience. Your mind will try to trick you, and in the end, being alone with your thoughts is your worst enemy.

I was able to get through this dark and lonely day with the help of those who really love me. And I am very certain that you too can accomplish this through the help of those that love you. Because in the end, we are all human, we all feel crushing sadness at one point in our lives. And you want to know a secret? You are not alone. As much as your mind will try to tell you that you are, you are never alone. Call a friend, see if they can come be with you. If you have to, go home and be around your family. Love is the only way to combat sadness. Don't let the world tell you that substances will numb the pain and make it go away, because it won't, they will only increase the pain and sadness. And in the end, love conquers all. I know this to be true, and it can save your life just like it did mine.