Around nine years ago we were starting our first summer together as best friends. I had only moved to the area a few months before and was thrilled to find the outgoing, kind girl in the classroom next door lived only three houses away from me. We were only eleven, but you were wise and mature beyond your years; I really looked up to that. Every single day was spent at your house: swimming in your pool, playing tennis and basketball in your driveway, swinging on your swing set in the backyard. Pretty soon we were sharing our deepest, darkest secrets and spending late nights on the phone. I told you everything. You were my partner in crime all through middle school. I had never had a best friend before, and it felt pretty amazing to find someone like to balance me. You truly were my other half.
Fast forward to senior year of high school. We aren’t playing outside anymore, instead we’re getting involved with boys and going to parties. We’re also hanging out with different groups and decided on different colleges. There’s a bit of a riff between us -- something we aren’t too familiar with. I’ll take some of the blame for that. I got too involved with a boy and almost completely lost touch with you because of it. I know you resent me for it. I also spent a good deal of time trying to make up for it. But what bothers me to this day is that you won’t take an inch of responsibility for drifting apart. That’s something that has always bothered me -- your ego is too big to ever apologize for anything, even when you’re outwardly and obviously wrong. But all these years, I overlooked it because I loved you like a sister. But it’s like one day you woke up and decided I didn’t match your interests anymore and two years later I still hurt over it.
Even though we were slowly becoming more and more different we kept trying through college, trying to see each other over breaks and visit each other’s campus every once in a while. You help me through my break up and I help you through yours. However, I can’t help but notice that we can’t shake something between us- some kind of uncomfortable feeling. You must have noticed too, because now we don’t even speak anymore. I have to say, I was extremely shocked to hear through the grapevine all the horrible things you’ve had to say about me over the last year. I simply thought we had drifted, but now I know why you stopped returning my calls and deleted me off social media -- you don’t want anything to with me. And that not only surprises me, but also completely crushes me. Nine years of friendship erased like chalk off the blackboard. You were my first good memory of moving in grade school and now I can’t pass through our hometown without feeling a pit in my stomach because it reminds me of you.
Part of me hopes you’ll see this so you’ll know how I feel, and we’ll talk it over and pick up where we left off. But the other part of me knows that you and I are through and are meant to go our separate ways now. There’s just no way to patch this over. I say that out loud and I still don’t quite believe it, but maybe if I just keep saying it I’ll finally accept it. I’ll never understand it though. But on the off chance you do see this, just know you will always hold a huge place in my heart and you still have a sister in me.
