An Open Letter To A Former Best Friend

An Open Letter To A Former Best Friend

You were the one person I never anticipated having to miss.

Dear Stranger,

I miss you. I miss texting you about every single stupid thing that happens in my life. I miss the way people would ask me where you were when you weren’t with me because it was a known fact that we were a packaged deal. I miss laughing with you and all of our inside jokes. I miss sending you heinous Snapchats and FaceTiming you from the bathroom. I miss looking over at you and knowing exactly what you are thinking. I miss your family and the way you used to fill me in on their daily happenings. I miss knowing that at the end of the day I had you, that when push came to shove, no matter how bad the situation might be, I knew you would be there. I miss my person, my other half and my best friend.

I hate that when people ask me how you are doing, and I genuinely don’t know. I hate that our conversations that once used to be so natural and seemingly endless are now filled with awkward silences and formal "how-do-you-dos." I hate that your face, the face I was so accustomed to seeing every single day, has become just another one in the crowd. I hate that we can now go days at a time without speaking to each other and that most of our conversations now start with “I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever!”.

I'm mad at us for letting our friendship become this far gone. What happened? How did we not see this coming? How did we not feel ourselves starting to drift? I am mad at us for not fighting harder for the friendship that we had. It wasn’t like most friendships. It was the kind of friendship that neither of us could have anticipated coming to an end. It was us against the world, and now it is nothing. I am mad at us for letting it become nothing but a collection of memories.

I am sad because I don’t even know where to go from here. I don’t know what there is to be said. Nothing really happened to make it change, so how do we fix it? How do I make this horrible yearning for you go away? How do I shake the dreadful feeling of knowing that you are no longer just a phone call away? How do we find a way to fall back together just as easily as we fell apart?

I am scared that it cannot be fixed and that maybe we weren’t supposed to be forever. I am scared that from here on out, you will not be a part of my life. I am scared that when I am hugging my friends this time next year at graduation, you will not be one of them. That when I throw my first housewarming party at my new apartment, wherever the real world takes me, you won't be there. That when I look around at my wedding day at all the faces in the crowd, it will hurt just as badly then as it does now to find that yours will not be there. But what I’m most scared of is that you don’t even care at all. I am scared that maybe you haven’t noticed my absence in your life or that maybe you have, but it just doesn’t matter to you. I am scared that you have already replaced me. I am scared that you don’t look back on our friendship as fondly as I do. I’m scared that our lack of a future doesn’t hurt you just as badly as it hurts me. I’m scared that you don’t miss me as much as I miss you.

However, even if that is the case, I will never give up hope that we will find our way back to each other, no matter how unlikely that now seems. I will never stop caring about you and wishing you well in life. I will silently smile from a distant sideline as you go out into the world and kick some ass. You will always hold a special place in my heart even though I may no longer hold one in yours. I will never stop looking back on our friendship fondly and will always only have kind things to say.

I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I do know one thing is for certain, I will never find another friend like the friend I found in you. Thank you for everything. I miss you more than you could ever possibly know.

All the best,
Your Former Best Friend

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An Open Letter To My Dad

I'm sorry for never believing you.

Dear Dad,

I know I never made things super easy for you, considering all of my backtalk, temper tantrums, and emotional rampages. I know I said awful things to you in the heat of arguments that I felt like I couldn't win. I know that at some points, I could not wait to get away and live without your constant rule in college. But this is the moment you have been waiting for: You were right, and I was wrong.

Every time you yelled at me for wearing too much makeup, you could expect a blow up no matter who else was in the room. I thought you were being old fashioned and trying to keep me from growing up. Even when you claimed you were saying it to be nice, I didn't believe you. I thought you didn't want me growing up and were using excuses to justify it. But now, I get it. I get that wearing so much makeup is just covering up my beauty that you always saw. I get that you were just trying to tell me that I was perfect the way I was. For those fights, I am sorry.

Every fight we had about my outfits ended in tears and frustration. Whether I was heading out the door to a middle school dance or prom dress shopping, I always knew that you would never like what I picked out. You would comment that it showed too much skin or would give boys the wrong idea about me. I thought you were being an annoying dad who wasn't progressive enough.

But coming to college, I get it. I get that dressing a certain way gives off certain ideas. I get that as unfortunate as it is, I have to dress modestly if I do not want to receive looks and glances that make me scared and uncomfortable. You were only trying to protect me and teach me a lesson about the cruel realities of the world. For those fights, I am sorry.

Every time you told me I wasn't confident enough, I would always cry. Why couldn't you just see that I had a backbone, whether or not I stuck up to people? Didn't you get that I didn't want drama to deal with, and sometimes I just had to keep quiet? You always told me I let people walk all over me. I never believed you. But now, I get it. I see that people will take advantage of you for being too nice or too accepting. You were only trying to teach me that I need to stand my ground, and be confident in my beliefs and decisions. For those fights, I am sorry.

Every time we got in the car to practice driving, I thought we were going to kill each other. You would yell that I needed to pay better attention and that I was going to get into an accident if I didn't take it seriously. I blew you off as being anxious and frustrated and decided to blast music and drive *somewhat* recklessly after receiving my license.

But now, I get it. After getting into my first, and very bad, accident, I realized you were right all along. After hearing the crashing of metals and being thrown around in the car, I finally get it. When I saw you pull up to the accident scene, I was scared that you were going to yell at me and take my license away. Instead, all you did was hug me and tell me you loved me.

I realized that you weren't trying to stress me out, or scare me into not wanting to drive so you would always get to drive me everywhere. You were trying to save my life. For those fights, I am sorry.

Let's not forget every single fight we have ever had about boys. You always seemed to have a problem with anyone, saying they were never good enough or that I deserved so much better. I thought you were being harsh and judgmental, and that you would never accept anything. But now, I get it. You were only trying to stress how special I am, and how I deserve to have a guy who treats me like I am the only girl in the world. For those fights, I am sorry.

For every single fight we have ever had, you were only trying to prepare me for what the world is truly filled with. Not everyone is as nice and thoughtful as you, and that's why you had to make me aware of the harsh realities that I could unfortunately have to face. Thank you for never failing to make me laugh, cry, and smile whenever I need it.

Cover Image Credit: News@Northeastern

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5 Thoughts You Have While Grocery Shopping With Your Mom

Where did my mom go?

There are tons of perks to still living at home while you’re a student (cons, too, but that’s another story). One of them is that food seems to magically appear out of thin air. In this case, “thin air” is my mom every Friday morning. This week, I tagged along. Here are 5 thoughts I had while we shopped for our family of four.

1. Where did my mom go?

She was here just a second ago….

2. I'm starving.

Brownies? Chicken nuggets? Ice cream? WE NEED THREE OF EACH.

3. I can't believe how expensive that is.

What am I, made of money?

4. There are too many options here.

No one needs 10 variations of Oreo cookies. Keep it classic. (Don’t @ me.)

5. Wow, this is a lot of work.

Living at home, you don’t realize how much it takes to grocery shop for an entire family every week. Thanks, ma. I see you.

I was going to say that this post should show us to appreciate the little things, but being fed three times a day isn’t a little thing. It’s easy to take all of this for granted, and it’s also incredibly privileged to have 10 variations of Oreos - you see where I’m going with this.

All I’m saying is, we should remember how lucky we are to have the things we have. (Tiny rant over. Go tell someone you appreciate them.)

Cover Image Credit: Dina Kim

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