Through my destruction, I have continuously learned many important things. I have learned things that have enhanced my life, and I have learned which of those tactics of recovery have sent me in a negative downward spiral, the exact opposite way that I was hoping to aim.

I am learning first and foremost, that this stuff doesn’t just happen overnight. I look back at every single time that I was positive that I was getting better, and then I see how naïve I was to think that that was as good as it was going to get for me. With every passing week, month, and year, I see change. Do you know what that means? It means the best days are ahead of me.

I am learning that starving your body in order to be “happier” will only make your life thinner. It will make your experiences thinner. It will make your happiness thinner. A body with no food is a life with no adventure. Having no energy to experience the world in all of its wonder is not happiness, it’s deprivation.

I am also learning that totally disregarding any sense of healthy eating is also not the answer. Just because you have finally learned that starving yourself isn’t the answer, doesn’t mean that eating an incredible amount of unhealthy foods every day until you’re sick is either. Life is about balance. It may take a few tries to get it right, and the balance might not always be present right off the bat, but the important part is learning. You learn balance.

I am learning that losing someone is not the end of happiness, no matter what the circumstance. No matter if someone has passed, or you lose someone’s friendship/love, just because you lose someone does not mean that you are lost for good without them. Sure things may get bumpy, but they always look up.

I am learning that hiding out alone in your room may work for a while, but eventually, the success of it wears off. You WILL hit a brick wall if you just refuse to feel anything. Eventually, you have to get out there and just go. You have to go out and live and see what else life has to offer, other than laying emotionless in your bed. It’s not going to be comfortable — Hell. No. In the beginning, you will want to be right back in your bed all curled up every time you go out. You have to beat your mind, step out of your comfort zone, and win. It’s time you’ve won. Nothing is easy at first, but what’s important is how easy it will feel after.

I am learning that there will be standstills, as well as progress that moves so quickly you feel like you are tripping over yourself. Both are okay.

I am learning that a majority of people won’t understand it. You want to know what’s important? The people that are trying their best to understand it for you, even though they may have never had to understand it otherwise. Grip them tight, and even tighter on the days when you swear that you can convince yourself that you are alone. You are not. Take a look around.

Most importantly, through it all, I am learning to live, with everything I have. I am learning to look around and say, “today will be good.” I am learning to give things a chance. I am learning to give myself a chance. I am learning that I still have so much more to learn, and that’s the best part.