"If you love someone, let them go."
I never really completely understood that saying. I would ask myself, why would I let someone I love go? Shouldn't it be the other way around, and hope they stay? That seemed like a whole lot of heartbreak.
But, then one day, you understand.
When we first started being friends, we met at a good time of my life. I was with a guy who (I thought) was my forever, and I was on my own. We met in our psychology class, cracking jokes about someone in the class and completely roasting our crappy professor. We added each other on snapchat, and we didn't really think we'd ever talk again.
Fast forward to fall quarter, and we had a class next door to each other: what I thought was fate. I remember thinking, "God must really want us to be friends if he keeps leading us to each other." But that was not the case; He brought you into my life for a lesson.
That quarter, I started to slack. My normal 4.0 GPA was tainted, my nearly perfect attendance turned for the worst, and I began to hang out with you more and more. I was the short blonde to your tall brunette, and EVERYONE knew we were friends.
Tragedy struck, and the guy who I thought was my "forever" left me, and my life fell apart. The first person I called was you, even before my parents. You were there when he came and picked up the rest of his things from my house, and you were there at three in the morning when I called you and I couldn't breathe because my heart was so broken.
Despite the heartbreak, you dusted me off and helped me pick myself back up.
From then on, we were inseparable. Your parents liked me as much as my parents liked you, and we became a family. We would schedule our classes together, and even visit each other at work. When we weren't with each other, we were FaceTiming, on the phone, Snapchatting each other, or texting.
We spent holidays with each other, planned vacations, and planned our life together. If we went to parties or kickbacks, we were together. Even when you broke up with your boyfriend in the car, I was in the trunk, listening to the whole thing!
We were the epitome of best friends, and that was the beginning of the end.
Summer was the goodbye we never thought was going to happen. We spent the whole summer together adventuring and having a little too much fun, and we started nitpicking at everything we were doing. Both of us disliked the guys we each were dating, and although women should never fight over a man, we did. That was the grand finale of our friendship.
Looking back on it now, it makes me realize that some people came into your life as a lesson and a well-deserved memory.
It was also really hard to find your place in the world when I left the friendship. It was feeling all too one-sided, and I had already lost my best friend before I even left. Spending all that time together was toxic, and in reality, we had nothing in common. I felt misunderstood in the friendship, and I never really felt that support from you. I deserved to feel valued as a person, rather than someone who didn't want to sacrifice and work for our friendship.
But let this be clear: I regret the way I left the friendship, but I am not sorry for ending it.
Our friendship was designated to be a lesson well learned, and since that day I sent you the text that forever changed our friendship, my life has been more about me. Breaking up with a friend who defined you gives you a chance to define yourself, and for me, that changed my world.
So to you, ex-best friend of mine, I will continue to wish you the best from afar.
Although I am happy with my life, I do wish you the best in your future successes. I mean, how could I wish any differently to someone I gave so much time and effort to? I still reminisce about all the good times (and the bad), and I pray that you find your happiness.
I also want to thank you for being there for me during a really hard time. You potentially saved me from myself, and for that, I will always owe you the utmost of gratitude. Without you, I would've turned been a detriment to myself.
And finally, I hope you turn out to be the best possible woman that you can be.
I hope that you let go of all the drama in your life, and I hope you find your real friends. I hope you lead a life as the honorable woman I know you can be, and I hope you impact the world as you had once done for mine.
From this experience, I have realized that part of the journey of life is the process of leaving a once-toxic friend; that the creation and destruction of friendship benefits in finding yourself.
