All my life, my size has qualified me as an official, card-carrying fat person. The amount of flesh I carry on my body has taught me innumerable lessons about the countless ways our society likes to silence and shame people that aren't between sizes 0 and 4. However, this has also stirred up quite a few questions, many of which I still haven't answered.
Why are women "Plus Sized", and men "Big and Tall?"
The notion that more flesh surrounding a woman's innards is somehow extra, or excessive has always irritated me. Why are bigger women forced to shop in a specific, usually tiny area of the store that's hidden away in the back? Why do we get slapped with a label laden with negative connotations, whereas mens sizes aren't questioned? The patriarchy sucks, friends.
Why aren't there prom dresses in my size?
Back in the good ol' days of senior year, my friend group ADORED trying on prom dresses. Who wouldn't, right? Dressing up in a glitzy, $500 dress could bolster anyone's confidence. Except for when there isn't a single dress in your size. I detested these trips, because it's SO uncomfy to explain to your friends why you aren't jumping with joy and radiating sunshine at the notion of dress shopping.
Actually, why isn't there anything in my size?
I remember my initial "Aha! I am big and society doesn't like that!" moment. After a grueling session of 1st grade ballet, all of my friends were sporting their neon Sugarlips tank tops. They were all the rage. And, they were one size only. Awesome, right? I spent approximately three weeks convincing my mom that it was completely logical for her to purchase an overpriced and tiny article of fabric, and then approximately three weeks crying when the obviously tiny tank top didn't flatter my curves.
Why can't I be taken seriously when I play sports?
Although my current favorite sport is marathoning Netflix, I used to be quite the athlete. However, back in the day, I used to get constantly poked at for my jiggling and heavy breathing while attempting to kick a ball into a net. Also, I was consistently fouled for things that wouldn't be fouls if I was fifty pounds lighter. Thanks, ref!
Why are the only fat characters in the media either villains or comic relief?
I'm not saying I don't like making people laugh. In fact, it's one of my favorite recreational activities. But growing up, I was essentially taught that my only value in my friend group was being the comic relief, or the laughable side-kick. Where's the larger princess or rounder protagonist, Disney?
Why is it necessary for you to point out how large my boobs are?
Yes, I have a large chest. It's super annoying to order bras. I'm constantly policing myself to ensure they aren't in your face. Also, I can't see my feet. You really don't need to point out how astronomically giant they are.
Why wasn't my eating disorder taken seriously?
Although I'm happy with myself now, there was a really dark period where I didn't own my fatness. I was so concerned with looking like my friends, I refused to eat more than three crackers and the occasional leaf of spinach. Looking back, the term anorexia rings a bell. But, because I was just a fat person trying to lose weight, my doctor thought I was a-okay.
Why is being bigger such a bad thing?
I still don't really understand why carrying more weight is inherently negative. Why is it such a problem that there happens to be more of me?
If you're skinny, love yourself. If you're curvy, love yourself. If the world tells you you're too much or too little, fuck that. Bodies are bodies, and they are all beautiful.
