In honor of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, even though it occurred earlier in March, I decided to document my personal experience with eating issues that parallels so many others.

In my junior year of high school, I recall weighing 118 pounds. Upon waking up, I would stand in the mirror and admire the barest outline of my ribs. Although the skinniness was through no effort on my own part, I was proud.

Fast-forward two years. The numbers on the scale climbed from 118 to 127 to 132. A multi-headed monster, college was a catalyst for so many of my mental health issues, including anxiety and depression. Joining a sorority, walking to class, eating in the cafeteria, I found myself surrounded by thinner girls. My best clothes refused to hide the fact that my current 132 pounds was bigger than my peers'.

Standing in front of the mirror, twisting and turning, I sucked in my stomach and dreaded the "freshman 15". After each meal I did eat, whether big or small, guilt crept into my mind like an unwanted visitor. Similar to a thief in the night, the induced self-hatred raided my inner-peace, and I skipped meals to compensate for eating in the first place --- until hunger drove me back to the college cafeteria like a stray cat.

Now, in second semester, I avoid pictures of myself like the plague. I refuse to look in the mirror. A brief glance and I'm out of the dorm, because that curbs the self-disgust. Since this is not an issue that outside validation solves, counseling helps. After all, outside validation from strangers and friends alike is merely a band-aid; this twisted view of my body is something that I must solve on my own.

Admittedly, this problem of mine --- whatever it is --- is not classified as an eating disorder. Instead, as I am reminded by counseling, this is a bud that must be cut before it becomes worse. However, its lack of a definition does not dismiss its validity. We, as a society, need a reminder of that sometimes.

In the online body-positivity circuit, eating disorder victims can feel dismissed because they believe that their struggles are not "enough". That to have anorexia, for example, you must starve yourself and end up in the hospital. To win the twisted race, you must take drastic measures. I am here to remind you that is not the case. You, and your self-image difficulties, are true and real and valid.

If you are reading this, and you suffer from an eating disorder such as anorexia, or if you merely feel guilty for eating, please remember that you are beautiful. You deserve both love and respect, no matter your size.Most importantly: you are valid.