They say true love will come at first sight. They say that it should be natural. It should be easy. They claim that if he makes you cry, he's not worth your time. They claim that if you can't see forever with him then he isn't the one.
Well let me be honest here. They know nothing about modern love.
Let me give you some real advice on love in today's times:

1. True love doesn't come at first sight

If you want to argue with me go right ahead. Do you know what happens when you see someone for the first time? (Yes I'm making this scientific)

You immediately look for familiarity. If you don't find it, then the "newness" of this person is interest enough to evaluate further. If they are overwhelmingly gorgeous or maybe they have a pretty smile or amazing eyes or a nice sounding voice, then your eyes will linger. But this linger isn't love!

It's intrigue, interest, curiosity! Sure some are much stronger than others. But I guarantee you that it's this curiosity that led you to test the waters with this other person. Love doesn't come that quickly. It takes the heart a while to dish that emotion out. So no, you can't expect to fall in love by one shared gaze across the room. You will have to work for it— which makes sense! Don't you have to work for everything worth while?

2. The concept that true love should be natural is hysterical to think about.

There is nothing natural about wanting to give all of your secrets away to someone you don't know yet. In fact, it's borderline crazy, "Hi stranger, would you like to know everything there is about me and then move in? Awesome."

That. Sounds. Psychotic. And it is. You're letting someone in! All those secrets and stories are yours. You know nothing about this persons life and they know nothing about yours. So no, true love is not natural. It takes time to ease into and to get comfortable with sharing all of those personal guidelines you've spent your whole life writing.

3. Easy? Sure, duh, it should be easy.

But if it's hard then nope— call it quits. Throw it in and find another.

Okay, sure sometimes loving someone is easy. Sometimes it's so easy you honestly can't think about not loving them. What that would even be like. But I'll tell you the truth. It isn't easy for most people. It takes work, trial and error, and practice.

Like growing up and picking out your clothes for the first time, it's learning your taste. What looks good. What feels good. What you want, not what your mom thinks is best in the clearance isle. (Major key right there).

Loving someone is hard work. It takes effort and patience and understanding and compromise. (This is why I hate everyone and love no one. I'm just too lazy).

Most people don't have these virtues right off the bat. And if you do then that's wonderful, all the power to you. You should go do something amazing with your life. Go write a novel or something. Teach us.

But I'll tell you right now it isn't even close to being easy for most. And if you don't think you're up for that effort then you just aren't ready. And that's fine. Some people just aren't (me).

4. "If he makes you cry darling, then he isn't worth your time." Sure thing, mom.

Here are the words every mother will whisper to their daughter one day. And boys, if you're reading this pay attention.

I understand the intention. I agree with it! If your partner is making you want to cry all of the time then the two of you need to talk some things out. But let me let you all in on a secret.

The best partner in the entire world, will mess up once. At least once. They will slip up at one point. Lose their temper, maybe say some things they didn't mean. It will happen and you can't use that as an excuse to run in the opposite direction. You can't hold that mistake to them forever.

One of my ex boyfriends held every little slip up I made on me. Years later he still brought them up. And guess what? At one point, I just made this little switch in my mind. I changed how I saw him. Suddenly I was walking on thin ice around him. I was so scared to mess up. Which caused me to mess up more and more and for him to dislike me more and more (obviously we didn't work out).

But that's what I'm talking about. That relationship of mine was absolutely amazing, but he couldn't forgive and absolutely couldn't forget. So, we went up in flames three years later. And that is a long time to walk on thin ice for. I'm still exhausted from it... Actually a nap right now sounds pretty great.

Your partner will mess up. They will make you cry. Probably more so than you'd want. But you'll find it in your heart to forgive them. If it's forgivable that is. And they will find it in theirs to make it up to you. To make a change. If they love you— truly— then they will fix what they did. And you will forgive and you will forget.

5. If you can't see forever with him get out, right? Slow down! Not necessarily.

Depends on the point of this relationship. Maybe you're just starting a relationship, or maybe you're in year three but you're— oh I don't know— seventeen? Chill out. No one needs to know what they want at that point. I still don't know what I want and I'm almost in my twenties.

I won't lie, high school sweethearts are a thing. I know a lot of them actually. But that doesn't mean that has to be you. And well, if you really want it to, then I suppose you're just a romantic in which case I apologize to you immensely for being stuck in this modern world where romance is rare. You'll get through it I swear.

So what if you can't see your future with your partner? I'm 19 and I can't see what I'm eating for breakfast tomorrow. The options are endless! Too many decisions to make right now. Pancakes sound really good right now... but who knows what I'll want when tomorrow comes.

Just take it slow and don't worry about what's next and pay attention to right now.

6. I'm no love expert. But I've been lucky enough to have felt real love.

The love I have for my little brother is incomparable to anything else in my life.
I've been lucky enough to grow up with real love. I watch my father give my mother his jacket when she's cold even today.

I've been lucky enough to be surrounded by real love. Just this past weekend I was at my cousins wedding where I watched her marry her best friend.

So I can confidently say I've learned that love finds you in a funny way. My dad moved to DC after college on a whim. He took a shot in the dark at a job everyone told him not to and my mother was the girl across the hall.

And no there was no loving stare where they "fell in love". He bumped into her on his first day in the townhouse and she dropped her bags down three flights of stairs and proceeded to yell at him, actually. That's how they met.

I can confidently say love is anything but easy. God the amount of times I've almost killed my brother... But I forgive him. I couldn't hold a grudge on him if I tried. I have to compromise and humble myself nearly every minute I'm with him and it's hard work to compromise consistently. It's hard to consistently love the little twerp all the time. But I do.

I can confidently say that just because you cry in a relationship doesn't mean you're doomed. In fact the more hard times you and your partner get through, the better off you two will be. You learn from your mistakes. You get better.

7. I can confidently say that just because you don't know what the future entails doesn't mean you can't make one.

My cousin met her (now) husband in college. She was 20? 21? You think she had any idea what was going on other than a college boyfriend? No way did she think in seven years she'd be standing at the end of the isle with him.

So, to everyone that has these insane notions of what true love might be. Essentially just dumb down whatever it is you're thinking.. Because modern love is not the classy, "Dear John", "Best of me", or "Notebook" crap we like to think it is.

Nowadays, it's a little less by the book, a little more sporadic and unexpected, definitely more confusing, and because of all that, it's about ten times more amazing.

A thank you to my outstanding cousin and her husband for reminding me how incredible young love is when it's real and for inspiring me to write this article. I wish you the best of luck with your sure-to-be incredible future.