In about first or second grade, I recall a teacher reading the book "Don't Feed the Monster on Tuesdays!: The Children's Self-Esteem Book" by Dr. Adolph Moser to our class. This story directed at young children addresses the needs of individuals to disengage from negative self-talk. Dr. Moser personifies the limiting beliefs we have about ourselves as a "little green monster" that grows each time we simmer in our weaknesses. At the time, this book was pivotal for me. This was the first time I had recognized having these self-destructive thoughts within myself while learning that there were methods to counter them.
As an "adult" (I use this term very loosely), I notice that I still need to actively challenge the limiting beliefs I have about myself. This might mean reassuring myself that I am qualified enough for a professional position or intelligent enough to handle my coursework.
Dr. Moser's story begins with naming some of the common discouraging thoughts we have about ourselves:
"My classmates don't like me as much as they do the other kids. Something must be wrong with me."
"My parents scold me. So maybe they don't love me."
"Sometimes I do things I shouldn't. Maybe I'm a bad person."
Dr. Moser claims that these thoughts are similar to having a little green monster inside our heads "who is determined to make us feel bad about ourselves". This green monster represents the thoughts that counter our healthy self-esteems. The monster is described as sly and hungry. His attacks begin as a whisper and the more inclined we are to listen, the louder his voice gets.
Though I am unsure if neuroscientists have yet to discover any green monsters in the pre-frontal cortex, the logic in this description is not too far from reality. If a person rehearses these negative thoughts about themselves, the intensity of the thought becomes greater. This can lead to cognitive distortions in relation to how a person views one's self.
Dr. Moser goes on to explain what it means to have a strong, positive self-esteem. A person with a strong self-esteem is said to be physically healthier, better at decision-making, and have a happier disposition. A self-esteem can grow when a person is praised by their friends and family, when they perform well in school or extracurricular activities, and when don't feed that green monster.
The practical advice offered by Dr. Moser is to shrink the monster one day at a time:
"That monster grew ONE DAY AT A TIME, and within yourself, you have the power to make him shrink ONE DAY AT A TIME. And here's how you can do just that:
Start by choosing one day out of the week, let's say, Tuesday. Next Tuesday make a sign that reads: DON'T FEED THE MONSTER ON TUESDAYS! Then... Hang that sign in your room.
On Tuesday, all day long, DON'T FEED THE MONSTER! Don't let him munch on your self-esteem, and don't listen to his whispers. Instead, SAY ONLY NICE THINGS to yourself."
Revisiting this book, I am in awe at how useful this advice is and how it still holds great potential. The idea that we can reorganize our cognitive faculties overnight is both pervasive and absurd. When we are conditioned to a certain behavior or concept, it takes time to unlearn whatever that may be. It takes those small steps, those singular small victories.
Dr. Moser outlines kindness to ourselves and others as a tool for further strengthening self-esteem. He discusses being gentle with ourselves when we have made a mistake, knowing that it's okay to ask for help, prioritizing effort over reward, and complimenting the people we love. His advice is to like yourself, forgive yourself, and be kind to yourself.
When you can manage going a Tuesday without feeding the little green monster, you'll be able to make it through a Wednesday too.
Watch the book here!
