As I near my twentieth birthday, I can't help but think back on all that I've experienced. I've had to own up to my fair share of mistakes and bad decisions. Over these years, I've learned what it means to date in the modern era.
It's no longer like it used to be. Men don't always treat women with respect and sometimes it's not the men we should be blaming. Being single during my college years, it's a completely different experience than what our parents may have endured.
One thing I couldn't have possibly figured out sooner in the dating community today is to never become too available to a man. Running to his beck and call whenever he shows remotely any interest towards you. My women, we are the role models for our younger generations. If we allow men now to dictate when and where we should be because he says so, than we have already lost.
Let him work. Don't be the girl he decides to call at 2 AM because he has no one to hangout with. You know very well he doesn't just want to hangout. Don't be the one that runs over to him after his relationship ended to "comfort" him. If you want to be there for him, tell him you're sorry and talk it over with food. You can't be the girl who allows these types of actions.
This is not about finally getting the guy you've been crushing over. Truth be told, if you run to him the second he shows interest, he won't appreciate you like before. This is about respect. The respect that you have for yourself and what he shows towards you.
Since we are women, our decisions are judged harsher than a if a man performed the same actions. Yes, it's a double standard and no, it's probably not going to change. I understand wanting to go out and date around. You're young and free and you have the rest of your life to focus on finding someone right; however, some of us will be so concerned with experimenting, we lose sight of what's important.
My dad has always told me "nothing good happens after midnight." I understand as college students it's a bit far fetched as we stay up later than the average human would. The meaning behind this statement is to not offer yourself to those that mistreat you. The ones that call you late at night are not looking for a friend. They're looking for a "hook up" and often times will only want you for your body. Once he's gotten what he's wanted, you won't hear from him for awhile, if ever. Admit it, you may have met one or two of these guys before.
Once you begin to carry yourself with dignity, it's a whole new ballgame. Become so engulfed in yourself that the words of a man could never hurt you. Eat what you want to, not what you think you should to keep the body men desire. Remember that you have standards, that you are not just a body for men to gawk act. Focus on advancing your mind, not just your physique.
Holding yourself to these standards and class will infinitely change the world around you. Women will even treat you differently and you may just give some of them the confidence to do the same. As the quote often says, "showing less is sexier."
Embrace your mind and interests and the right people will come along. Keep being unavailable or a "flake" as they call it now. If you're a" stranger" because you choose not to get dressed up at all hours of the night to come see them, you're not in the wrong. These men should be strangers.
You are capable of more than you believe and wiser than you think. Hold your head high, wear your lipstick sharp, and never let your mascara run for a boy. I say a boy, because a true man will never let it run in the first place.
