Don't Be Too Available For Him

Don't Be Too Available For Him

You have stronger titles than simply being eye candy.
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As I near my twentieth birthday, I can't help but think back on all that I've experienced. I've had to own up to my fair share of mistakes and bad decisions. Over these years, I've learned what it means to date in the modern era.

It's no longer like it used to be. Men don't always treat women with respect and sometimes it's not the men we should be blaming. Being single during my college years, it's a completely different experience than what our parents may have endured.

One thing I couldn't have possibly figured out sooner in the dating community today is to never become too available to a man. Running to his beck and call whenever he shows remotely any interest towards you. My women, we are the role models for our younger generations. If we allow men now to dictate when and where we should be because he says so, than we have already lost.

Let him work. Don't be the girl he decides to call at 2 AM because he has no one to hangout with. You know very well he doesn't just want to hangout. Don't be the one that runs over to him after his relationship ended to "comfort" him. If you want to be there for him, tell him you're sorry and talk it over with food. You can't be the girl who allows these types of actions.

This is not about finally getting the guy you've been crushing over. Truth be told, if you run to him the second he shows interest, he won't appreciate you like before. This is about respect. The respect that you have for yourself and what he shows towards you.

Since we are women, our decisions are judged harsher than a if a man performed the same actions. Yes, it's a double standard and no, it's probably not going to change. I understand wanting to go out and date around. You're young and free and you have the rest of your life to focus on finding someone right; however, some of us will be so concerned with experimenting, we lose sight of what's important.

My dad has always told me "nothing good happens after midnight." I understand as college students it's a bit far fetched as we stay up later than the average human would. The meaning behind this statement is to not offer yourself to those that mistreat you. The ones that call you late at night are not looking for a friend. They're looking for a "hook up" and often times will only want you for your body. Once he's gotten what he's wanted, you won't hear from him for awhile, if ever. Admit it, you may have met one or two of these guys before.

Once you begin to carry yourself with dignity, it's a whole new ballgame. Become so engulfed in yourself that the words of a man could never hurt you. Eat what you want to, not what you think you should to keep the body men desire. Remember that you have standards, that you are not just a body for men to gawk act. Focus on advancing your mind, not just your physique.

Holding yourself to these standards and class will infinitely change the world around you. Women will even treat you differently and you may just give some of them the confidence to do the same. As the quote often says, "showing less is sexier."

Embrace your mind and interests and the right people will come along. Keep being unavailable or a "flake" as they call it now. If you're a" stranger" because you choose not to get dressed up at all hours of the night to come see them, you're not in the wrong. These men should be strangers.

You are capable of more than you believe and wiser than you think. Hold your head high, wear your lipstick sharp, and never let your mascara run for a boy. I say a boy, because a true man will never let it run in the first place.

Cover Image Credit: Fashion Gone Rogue

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An Open Letter To The Boy I Never Dated

Thanks for the memories.
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Dear Boy I Never Dated,

You know who you are. I just want to get a couple things off my chest.

First, I want to say thank you. Thank you for being my friend, my ally, and at one point an important part of my life. Despite the fact that our relationship never went past the friend stage, I will never regret the time I spent with you or the memories we made. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, so we were meant to be in each other's lives. Sure, I could go on and say that you missed out, how I'm an awesome person and all that stuff but that wouldn't do anything. We're both awesome people. Us never being a couple could never take away from that.

Honestly, I still consider us to be friends no matter where life takes us. I'm only one text or Snapchat away.

I do want to make one thing clear: I've moved on. I don't care what you've thought in the past or what you've been told, I'm seriously over it. I've been over it, despite what you think. I'm over everything; the pointless drama, the rumors, the over-thinking, and the self-doubt. I no longer care that you weren't interested in me in "that way." Honestly, this all went down so long ago that I don't even remember everything that happened.

I've met new people, had new experiences, and grew as a person. You've even noticed that I've changed. I'm the not the same girl that pined for you all those years ago. I care about you, obviously, but I know where we stand. Neither one of us needs to deal with the what-ifs or maybe-some-days. We both deserve loving committed relationships where the person you're with is 100% invested in you and vice versa. So maybe I am a text away, but that doesn't mean I'm available anymore.

If there's one thing about people that can get you down is that we're always disappointing. Either we're disappointing other people or disappointing ourselves. It is way too easy to break your own heart. I was guilty of that I think. I got too optimistic and thought we were on some path to greatest when in reality we were just two young kids that enjoyed spending time together. When things didn't go in my favor, I probably placed the blame on you because I was upset.

It took time for me to reflect and finally accept that I wasn't perfect, either. Now, I don't think anyone was at fault. Whether it was bad timing, lack of compatibility, or maybe lack of maturity neither one of one did anything wrong. At the time, it seemed so horrible that we never even tried but when I look back it's not a big deal.

To be completely honest, I'm now glad we never dated. There is no more resentment, bitterness, or pettiness. I don't think there was any to begin with, but I apologize if there was. Our lives may be going toward separate paths, but they're both paths of greatest. I'm completely, absolutely happy with where I am in life and all I can say is that I wish the same for you. When our paths do cross again someday, I'll be more than happy to see you.

With (platonic) love,

The Girl You Never Dated


Cover Image Credit: freestocks.org

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7 Ways To Keep God In Mind While Making Big Life Decisions

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." - Deuteronomy 31:6

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Whether it be decisions about your career, your relationship, or your housing, making big decisions can be stressful. With looming deadlines, differing opinions, and the potential of affecting others, a particular decision can temporarily consume your life. It's time to find peace in your decision making.

1. Pray

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When we pray, God listens. While it may seem silly to "just" pray, it is one of the most fruitful things we can do while coming to an important decision.

2. Find scripture that applies closely to your situation

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The best advice we can get comes through reading God's word. Go to Google or a trusted Bible app, and search for things relevant to the decision you have to make. Try reading multiple versions or getting context for these verses to fully understand what God is saying and apply it to your life.

3. Talk to friends who will point you back to God

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Seeking advice and counsel from trusted friends is key in coming to a conclusion. Whether it be someone to bounce ideas off of or someone to see the problem another perspective, talking with Godly friends allows you to express your thoughts and ideas with someone who will support you while also reminding you to keep God in the forefront of your decision-making.

4. Remember how God has been faithful to you in the past

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One of the worst parts about making a decision is the fear that you are making the wrong one. To combat this, think back to previous decisions you have made and how those worked out and how God oversaw you through that difficult time.

5. Consider your spiritual gifts

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Depending on the particular decision you have to make, thinking about what your spiritual gifts are might be helpful. What traits has the Lord blessed you with, and how might those traits express themselves in the path that you are heading towards?

6. Determine if this decision will be a major point in your life in the grand scheme of things

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Being in the moment, the decision you are currently making seems like a big one. However, if you zoom out, does the decision you are making still hold weight? Will this one decision actually matter in 2 years? While it could, there is a high chance that it really won't and realizing that can dial down the stress a little bit.

7. Reevaluate your motivations

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So many times, when I think about why I am leaning towards a certain decision, I find that my motivations are worldly. Searching your heart to find the true reasons you are making a particular choice can be humbling and crucial to making the "correct" decision for you.

No one says that making decisions is easy, but no matter what you decide, remember one thing: God is still God no matter what you choose. He loves you and will always be with you.

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