Domestic violence and abuse affects 1 out of 3 women, 1 out of 4 men, and usually by an intimate partner. 45.4% of all female rape victims and 29% of all male rape victims were raped by an intimate partner. Abuse victims have a higher rate of experiencing depression and suicidal behavior. However, many of us don’t realize that there is so much more to domestic violence and abuse than the statistics. Here are the stories behind the numbers.

Alison’s Story:

Alison didn't think she was a victim. She didn't see herself as a weak individual. As a matter of fact, she viewed herself as a strong, independent woman of God. She had no reason to complain about her life. Alison had her dream job, and loving friends and family. But there was this one all too familiar and recurring mishap in her life; detrimental intimate relationships. First, there was John. John was her first love and it wasn't one sided either. He was madly in love with her. John even had their wedding date set. It wasn't until about eight months in their relationship when a red flag was raised. John became very clingy, so much to the point where he didn't want Alison befriending any other guys. He also needed to be on the phone with Alison at all times. However, this was something she thought was understandable and easy to handle. Until the night John began accusing Alison of flirting with other guys. That same night he told Alison that if she decided to break up with him he would shoot and kill every other guy she ended up with after him. Alison knew it was time to cut all ties and that she did.

Jasmine’s Story:

Jasmine met a guy named Manny. In the span of three months, Manny and Jasmine grew to become close friends turned lovers. They developed a deep connection with each other based on similar struggles and soon made it publicly known that they were a thing. But Jasmine wasn’t truly happy, because the sweet and understanding Manny that she thought she knew had completely changed. He began to constantly verbally insult her and compare her to other women. At first, she believed him when he would use the excuse, “I’m just joking,” but one day she finally expressed to him how uncomfortable it made her feel. Manny then apologized and compared her to his ex, “My ex and I used to joke around like that all the time.” Feeling childish and ashamed, Jasmine dropped the issue. In turn, she just leveled up in comebacks whenever Manny insulted her, however, this did not numb the pain and discomfort. She finally decided enough was enough. By then it had been two years and she was emotionally confused and tired of the entire situation.

Jennifer’s Story:

Jennifer met a guy whose name was Chris. Chris was unlike the others she’d dealt with. He treated her like a queen; always making sure she felt like the prettiest, most interesting girl in the world. Jennifer thought this was the one for her. Until one night he invited her to their usual hangout spot where it was usually only them around. It was romantic, the perfect place to view the skyline and just be wrapped up in each other’s’ arms. But that night was different and it showed in his eyes. She was pressured and forced into an inappropriate encounter. Jennifer left their once “favorite spot” feeling dirty, neglected, and misused. She pushed what happened out of her mind that same night and pretended it never happened. Jennifer kept seeing him because he never changed the way he treated her or spoke to her. He made her feel desirable. Jennifer finally came to her senses and cut him out of her life.

Domestic violence and abuse aren't always physical. Such abuse ranges from mental, emotional, and physical stages. Here are the warning signs of an abuser and which scenarios consist of them:

• Extremely Controlling Behavior: Occurs in Alison’s story. John wanted to be in total control of her social interactions and wanted to know every other guy she interacted with.
• Possessiveness: Occurs in Alison’s story. John wanted Alison to only be socially involved with him.
• Bad Temper & Extreme Jealousy: Occurs in Alison’s story. John threatens to kill any other guy Alison decides to be with after him. He also threatens to kill himself.
• Sexual Pressure/ Disregard of partner’s Unwillingness: Occurs in Jennifer’s story.
• Verbal Abuse and Consistently Embarrassing the Partner: Jasmine’s story.

Domestic violence and abuse victims tend to stay with their abusive partners. One of the most popular reasons is because of inconsistent abuse. This means that there is a combination of “good and bad times” throughout the relationship. The victim heavily depends on these times to not “give up” on the relationship altogether. However, after reading this, I hope this article help shed light on such a hidden issue. Know the signs. Know the facts. Know where and when to get help before it’s too late. If you feel as though you are in an abusive relationship and in danger get help immediately, don’t wait. And remember, you are not alone in this.

CALL IF YOU ARE IN NEED OF HELP

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

1-800-799-7233

National Dating Abuse Helpline

1-866-331-9474

Break the Cycle

202-824-0707

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255