During our stages of development, we begin to become familiar with romantic relationships. They may be portrayed in fairy tales, movies, or through couples surrounding us. What the innocence of childhood never taught us was the red flags. The idea of being a victim of abuse never really crosses your mind until its all too real. The reality is, adulthood changes you, and nothing in your childhood could've prepared you for this. Something so disturbing to me is how often we hear of stories of abuse. Movements such as #metoo have encouraged victims to find their voice and heal.
When a victim is speaking of their traumas, it is important to be mindful that they chose you to hear their story. Victims understand that these topics aren't easy to respond to, but your compassion is so important when they are sharing their personal traumas with you.
When looking at an abusive relationship from an outside perspective, a lot of thoughts raise to mind. A popular one may be to question why the victim has chosen to stay for so long. The appropriate outsider's approach should not be to shame the victim but to help them heal from their traumas. In most scenarios, the abuser seeks out one who may be deemed as a vulnerable soul to take advantage of. The victim may be fully away of their circumstances but chose to stay for several reasons. In other cases, the victim may choose to stay oblivious as a defense mechanism. Remember, no one in their right frame of mind would sign up to be mistreated, and victims do not owe you an explanation.
Abusive relationships never start with abuse. Although, the abuser's actions may arise in scenarios that may be deemed as acceptable at first, such as jealousy. Jealousy might be interpreted as the abuser's way of showing their love and admiration. The truth is, jealousy can manifest into toxic traits, such as possession. A possessive relationship is restrictive for the victim and isolates them. This isolation creates the victim's dependence upon their abuser.
The aftermath of an abusive relationship is equally as damaging as being in one. The underlying issue of dependence upon their abuser is damaging. Breaking free from these situations require such strength and courage. The hardest part is getting back up on your feet. In these stages, it is important to seek out the proper emotional support system. Surrounding yourself with positive influences is necessary to heal. Those around you may not understand and that can become frustrating. Healing may not happen overnight, but one day you will feel peace.
Mental abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. It is highly common for victim's of abuse to experience PTSD after such a traumatic event. Abusive relationships can change a person, but only time can heal.
Love may seem like a foreign word at first. The sole idea of it carries more pain than good, but one day it'll be different. Finding love in yourself is the first step to healing, and the rest will fall into place.
man running in forestPhoto by 
