Two and a half years. Hundreds of hours of practice and training. Weeks and weeks of travel. Hours of video and scouting. … All for 1 pre-season collegiate match.
In my 2 1/2 years as a NCAA Division 1 collegiate athlete, I have played in only one pre-season match. ONE. I guess you could say that I am the number one bench rider on my team.
Here’s some background. I made varsity my freshman year of high school where I played in most games. By sophomore and junior year, I played in every possible high school and club match and was being heavily recruited by many colleges across the country. By my senior year, I was named number 93 on Senior Aces (a list of the top volleyball players in the country) as well as County 1st Team my 3rd year in a row. I even graduated high school early to be admitted early to college and begin training and practicing with my future teammates whom I would be playing with and competing with in the fall… or at least that’s what I thought.
Two and a half years later, I am now entering into my junior season on the volleyball team at UC Berkeley. I played a big, fat 0 minutes my freshman year and sophomore year I played in (drum roll please) one pre-season game against a no name school. What a culture shock. I went from playing every minute of every game in high school to riding the bench every minute of every game in college. Yet everyday, every practice, every weight training session I am continuing to work my ass off and give my blood, sweat and tears. I am too competitive to give up and roll over. My pride is too big to give anything less than my best day in and day out.
I am not whining about the playing time I get, or don't get in my case. My goal is to bring to light that although playing every point of every game takes a certain level of mental toughness, so does not playing at all. Imagine working so hard to get better and never seeing the finish product of your hundreds of hours of practice and training you put in during your off seasons. You never get a “pay day” where you can see all your hard work come through when you get a big kill or a touchdown or a goal for your team that makes it all worth it. We all put in the same amount of work during practice but only a starting few get to see it all pay off.
Being on the bench game after game after game is a bit defeating. Do I keep putting hundreds and hundreds of hours a year to improve my skills and get stronger just so I can continue riding the bench? It’s not easy- it’s mentally exhausting but 2 years into riding the bench- I finally found what is keeping me going and that’s my teammates. Waking up early every morning is worth it when I get to be with my best friends whether on the court, in the weight room or in team meetings. They are the ones that I laugh with, cry with and who I have some of my best memories with. I not only consider them teammates but also family. I wake up every morning and attend every practice and stand on the sidelines at every game to be with them, to support them and to have fun with them. When volleyball gets tough, we all have each other. My teammates have been the ones that have kept me coming back even when things have gotten dark for me. I may never play another game in my college career but at least I know that I will continue to have my teammates by my side every step of the way.
To all the bench riders out there who have not quite made it to a starting spot yet or maybe will never play… find what keeps you going/ coming back practice after practice and year after year. Maybe it’s a memory, maybe it’s a specific teammate; whatever it is, find it and hold onto that when things get hard.
