Depression isn’t what you think. It isn’t always suicide notes written on a tear soaked napkin. It isn’t always a makeshift noose hanging from the ceiling. It isn’t always empty pill bottles on the floor. It isn’t always blood-soaked towels. It isn’t always tired eyes. It isn’t always lost weight. Depression isn’t always anything. It’s different. It’s a darkness that changes and morphs every day.
Sometimes it’s a bright smile and a bubbly laugh. Sometimes it’s the best day of your life followed by the worst night you’ll ever experience. Sometimes it’s a room full of people but seeing only strangers. Sometimes it’s tear soaked pillows, other times it pillows drenched with drool. Sometimes it’s skipping meals for days and others it’s eating a burger and fries four times that day. Sometimes it’s a bible read from cover to cover over and over again, other times it’s a bible covered in inches of dust. It’s going days without a shower followed by sitting on the ground underneath the shower head for 3 hours as the blistering heat turns to icy chills.
Depression isn’t always a sad girl going through a bad break up. It isn’t always a boy who was beaten as a child. Sometimes it’s the quarterback or the girl who is always smiling and spreading love to everyone. Sometimes it’s a ten-minute drive to the therapist, but sitting in your car for two hours in the parking lot because you can’t be bothered to go in. It’s sitting at the table and seeing a world of color drained. It’s watching your loved ones morphed into enemies. It’s forcing you to fight. It’s hearing constant lies and struggling to remember the truth.
Depression isn’t a death sentence, but sometimes it is. Sometimes it’s the end, the last breath we ever take. Sometimes, it’s the last shred of hope slipping through your fingers. It’s the final punch you throw. It’s the final scream you let out. It’s the finale to a long and hard battle. Sometimes it is pill bottles, notes, tears, dark sweaters, tired eyes, slow movements, self-loathing and complete apathy. Sometimes it’s fake smiles, forced laughs, crazy adventures, blackout nights, memorized scriptures and healing. Depression isn’t easy to see, sometimes it’s the darkest secret you never notice.
