In Defense Of "Mush Brain"

A lot is written about self observation... looking inward, becoming one with yourself and the universe. The idea is to wander into the wilderness (literally or figuratively), spend some time away from civilization, collect your thoughts and think about the deeper questions in life: Who am I? What is it to know who I am? What does it all mean? Where am I going with my life? What is anti matter? Does time exist? Ya know, the deep, DEEP shit. It's definitely a good thing to practice self-observation and I firmly believe we should all do this regularly. I, like many of my fellow millennials, am always on the go. Whether it's a writing project, entrepreneurial fairy chasing, managing restaurants, or teaching, I am ALWAYS GOING. I definitely have trouble shutting off that intergalactic space ship in my brain that may or may not be operated by a crew of speed freak squirrels. For us who have a million things going every day, self-observation is essential to staying sane. BUT, this is not about that. This is about doing the exact opposite of that. This is about becoming the ignorant, pro anti-intellectual, Cheeto eating in your undies, mush brain.

I believe, not so humbly, that "mush brain" is just as important in the fight against lunacy as self-observation is. Most of us actually practice "mush brain" on a regular basis, but it's something that happens to us like pink eye, yeast infections, cooties, or deep, dark, paralyzing cases of the Mondays. Since we do not actively participate in "mush brain" and are usually completely unaware of whats going on (aside from the fact that we know we're just being lazy tubs o' lard) we cannot fully appreciate or fully benefit from "mush brain".

To get the most out of your "mush day" (which I suggest at least twice a month, but if you can get away with more and still get your work and projects done, all the power to you) you need to put yourself in the conscience state of "mush". This, I know, sounds funky since the whole idea of your therapeutic "mush day" is to shut off ALL deep, meaningful thinking, but hey...whatever.

Shut off all force fields, on this day, you want all that junk you see on tv, all of that grease soaked, carb powered, sugar slimed food, and shallow thoughts to blast your brain like a goddamn atom bomb. Think of jello in the microwave. I've never experimented with this, but I imagine its both messy and cool as hell to see.

Wake up when you want. Start the day by eating a bowl of the worst cereal possible and by worst I mean the the best. The ones that kids should not eat on a daily basis on account of them being so insanely tasty and so insanely sugared. If all you have in the house is the healthy cardboard shit, take a trip to your nearest cereal vendor and get some of those Coco Krispies. If cereal isn't your thing, feed yourself some poisonous fast food breakfast. Whatever you do, DO NOT make breakfast. No work, don't make any real effort to do anything. If you really must cook something up, DON'T DO THE DISHES! (My girlfriends going to hate me giving that advice)

As far as stuffing your face with the devils anus buffet, don't stop with breakfast. I suggest making a trip to the grocery store (the night before) and loading up on nothing, but complete crap. Here are some of my favorites: pizza rolls, pork rinds, Ben and Jerrys, Squirt grapefruit soda, cheesecake, and noodles of any type (preferably Top Ramen). Keep your brain sedated with these lovely treats throughout the day. No brain food, I repeat, NO BRAIN FOOD!

Now, what filth is appropriate to liquefy your eyeballs? Anything really. The shallower the better. That means REALITY TV. Whether we want to admit this or not, reality tv is extremely entertaining. We are, it's true, self-righteous pricks when it comes to the persecution of such shows as "Keeping up with the Kardashians" or "Teen Mom" or what have you. On a side note: Those people that claim watching these shows makes people stupid, those are the people too stupid to watch the shows. I mean, if you feel like you can't watch an over the top, narcissism promoting, reality show without turning into the most horrid thing on earth, a sheep...then the problem isn't the show, it's your inability to separate entertainment from reality. With that said...there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with some cheap laughs. Ignorance CAN be bliss, in moderation of course.

Also, binge watching tv shows has become quite a popular thing. This is a perfect opportunity to watch a full season of "Vampire Diaries" (Did I just admit to doing that?) Whatever it is you choose to watch, NO TEAR JERKERS OR MIND BENDERS. (Sorry Rudy. Sorry Christopher Nolan)

Oh yea...social media and the internet? Get lost in there...follow the shiny things.

Nap when you would like as often as you would like.

Avoid phone calls (unless it's a TRUE emergency)

Don't think about work, about life, or about the universe.

Avoid math problems.

Turn up the radio and dance like an idiot.

Only shower if you want, don't feel obligated.

Only read magazine articles about getting a beach bod. Do NOT read anything that smells intelligent.

Shut your brain off...be an eight year old again. Remember what its like to be free of the on going nails on the chalkboard and grinding gears. We, the always going, the always working, the always dreaming, the always creating....we tend to drive our ships into the ground from time to time...feel free to take a break....kick back with your bag of Cheetos and your "Chopped Halloween Marathon" and melt into your couch. Tomorrow, we get back to work.


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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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