An Open Letter To My Depression

Dear Depression,

Before you came into my life, I thought of you as a bad day or a sad feeling and nothing more. I didn't think you could keep me chained to my bed, crying for no reason and wanting to end it all. You are so romanticized by others, but I know there is nothing romantic about you. There is nothing romantic about what you have done to me and others I love dearly. About 20 million people suffer from depression, and I never thought I would be one of them. I never thought I would experience something as hurtful as you. You have been both a blessing and a curse in my life. You have taken things away from me and pulled me down further and further, but I won't let you win.

I was once a student with good grades until you convinced me it was going to be a better idea to sleep instead of study. To keep me prisoner in my own room, instead of going to class. You and your good friend anxiety have taught me to fear the world instead of love it. You made my bad days into nightmares that I couldn't wake up from. Even on a good day, you made sure to show even the tiniest piece of yourself, just so I knew that you were still there. Every day I am reminded of you and all you have taken from me. You remind me that I was not able to finish this semester. You remind me of all the bad days and of the people who left because you were too much to handle. But even with everything you have taken away from me, you have also given me some amazing things.

I never thought anything good could come from having depression, but you have proved me wrong. You have given me some great gifts and I will be forever grateful. In all the darkness you have created, you showed me that I have some wonderful people in my life. You gave me friends who have stayed by my side through everything. Every day they remind me that I will get through your reign of terror. When I feel as though I have done nothing but fail, they assure me that even the littlest things are great accomplishments I should be proud of. They have stayed with me through the bad days and the good days, and they have proved to be some of the greatest blessings in my life. You, my dear friend, have also shown me just how strong I actually am. There are days when I feel like there is no way I can keep going, but I always make it through. When you push me, I push back harder. There might be times when you knock me down, but I will get up and I will keep fighting. This is my life and I will not let you take over. It has been hard learning how to live with you. At first, I let you take over. You controlled my life, but I'm taking it back. You are a part of my life, but you will not take it over.

Yours truly,

Strength